You may be interested in the following article from GI Williamson: "What (Most) Pastors Need" found in the OPC's "Ordained Servant" here:
http://opc.org/OS/pdf/OSV5N2.pdf
The following excerpt is from Samuel Miller's "Clerical Manners and Habits". It is invaluable in my opinion on the topic. (Sorry for the length, but it is worth it).
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6. In seeking a matrimonial union, bear in mind the inestimable importance of piety in a clergyman's wife. I say the inestimable importance; because I am verily persuaded, that no one who has not made the experiment can adequately estimate the importance of genuine and even eminent piety in one who is intended to be a "help meet" for a minister of the gospel. However great the other excellencies of his wife may be, yet if she have not real piety, she cannot be a "helper" in the most important of all interests. She cannot aid him in the conflicts of the spiritual life. She cannot stimulate him in devotion when he is languid; or sympathize with him when he is dejected and comfortless. She cannot counsel and excite him in the delicate and arduous duties of his office. She cannot strengthen his hands among the people of his charge, by appearing foremost among the sisters of the church, in every pious, benevolent, and laudable undertaking in which they engage. She cannot exert a proper influence in "training up her children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." [Eph 6:4] In a word, she must so utterly fail of affording him the least aid, in all that large portion of his duties and conflicts which pertain to the spiritual welfare of himself, his family, and the souls committed to his care; and, if not an aid, must be so frequently a snare and a drawback in reference to all these interests, that, methinks, a conscientious man, entering on the work of the holy ministry, will be extremely unwilling to form a connection, to say the least, promising so little of either comfort or advantage.
Let me earnestly exhort you, then, in seeking a wife, to look for one of unfeigned and ardent piety. Nothing that she can possess ought to be considered as a compensation for the want of this great characteristic. However beautiful, however amiable, however intelligent, however extensively read, and however polished in her manners, if she lack the "one thing needful," [Luke 10:42] she will be essentially deficient as a companion for an ambassador of Christ. But if, with other qualities, which may fairly be presupposed, she whom you choose for a wife be a person possessed of enlightened, active piety, you will find her a treasure beyond all price; a comforter in trials; a counsellor in study, in labour, and in perplexity; a soother of your careworn hours; a suitable guide of the best interests of your household in your absence; an efficient helper in a variety of respects, incapable of being specified; and, above all, a happy medium of intercourse, and pledge of confidence, between you, and the pious females of your congregation. I have often known the pious wives of clergymen exert an influence so manifest, so extensive, and so happy, within the pastoral charges of their husbands, that, in some cases there were those who felt constrained to doubt whether the pastors or their companions were, all things considered, the more useful. But you cannot be made, at present, to see the whole importance of this matter. If you wish to find your own personal piety nurtured, your comfort increased, your influence extended, and your usefulness doubled, never think seriously of any other than a pious wife. All experience, you may rely upon it, speaks this language. I have never yet known a minister who appeared to know much of the religion of the heart himself, who did not, as he advanced in his course, manifest a growing sense of the great importance of securing a spiritual helper in the companion of his life.
7. You will not fail, I trust, to consider good sense, and prudence also, as indispensable qualities in a clergyman's wife. Whatever piety the object of your choice may possess; yet if she be a person of weak mind, and strikingly deficient in practical discretion, she will perpetually mortify you, and probably do you more harm than good among the people of your charge. She will seldom fail, by her precipitancy, her rashness, her imprudent speeches, and her childish deportment, to weaken your hands, and counteract some of your best efforts. Or the most favourable supposition is, that, when her character is once fairly understood, she will be considered as harmless, and do you no positive injury. Surely something better than this ought to be sought and expected by him who is about to choose a companion for life; a mother for his offspring; a "guide of his house;" [1 Tim 5:14] a lightener of his cares; and a counsellor of his most confidential hours. Who can tell the importance of having, in so near a friend, sound, practical wisdom, and habitual prudence? To a clergyman it is highly desirable that his wife should have good sense and piety enough to be a helper even in his professional duties; but that she should have the principal management of all his domestic concerns, will follow as a matter of course. For this purpose, every one sees that wisdom, prudence, and energy too, are indispensable.
8. I scarcely need to add, that you will, no doubt, consider good temper, and amiable manners, as holding a very important place in the qualifications of her who is to be a "helpmeet" for a minister. It has often been remarked, that no clergyman ever married a wife of a remarkably weak understanding, without severely repenting it. With this I agree. But I am inclined to think that a wayward temper, and repulsive manners, in a wife, are more destructive of domestic happiness, and especially that of a clergyman, than even folly itself.
It is of the utmost importance, that the wife of a public man have that amiable, bland, accommodating disposition; that habitual equanimity and benevolence, which will dispose her at all times to consult her husband's comfort, and to receive with a kind welcome all his friends and visitants. If her temper be irascible, discontented, querulous or vindictive, she will not only create many a bitter hour under her own roof; but will also alienate the friends of him whom she has the deepest possible interest in sustaining, and present an additional obstacle to the favourable influence of his best exertions. Many a minister has had his usefulness in a great measure prostrated, and some have been driven from comfortable settlements, by the acerbity and perverseness of female tempers. And, on the other hand, it is but justice, and equally to my purpose, to add, that, in many cases, a clergyman of weak mind, or unhappy natural temper himself, has been most happily influenced from day to day, and in a great measure sustained in dignity and usefulness, by the affability, prudence, and address of an amiable wife.
9. Good health and a good flow of spirits in a wife are of incalculable importance to any man; but to a minister of the gospel they are, obviously, of peculiar importance. I will not suppose you capable of being so insane as to wed a known valetudinarian; in other words, voluntarily to connect yourself with an incumbrance, rather than a help, for life. Your companion may become sickly, after marriage. If this should be the case, submit to it without a murmur, and cherish her with growing affection, just as you would wish her to do, if your own health should fail. But pray do not begin with a nursling. An invalid of either sex ought, undoubtedly, to receive your compassion, and, as far as practicable, your benevolent attention; but in seeking a wife, I shall take for granted that you wish to obtain a companion by whom your own enjoyment and usefulness will be increased. But surely there is a miserable prospect of either of these objects being, to any extent, attained, when any one commences his conjugal career with a companion, whose frail, morbid frame, and continually recurring indisposition, are ominous of the sick room, rather than of the cheerful, active housewife, as long as she lives. Nay, more; not only seek a wife of good health, and some activity and energy; but one who has also a good flow of animal spirits. How inestimably important to an intellectual and moral labourer, that he have a companion who will be able habitually to cheer him in his gloom; to encourage him in sickness; to incite him in his languid hours; and to banish the clouds which occasionally obscure his prospect, by the fascination of a smiling countenance, which "doeth good like a medicine!" [Prov 17:22]
10. You will, no doubt, have observed that, in the foregoing list of requisites, I have said nothing of personal beauty. For this, my reasons are various. There is no danger of this quality having less influence than it ought to have, in the choice of a wife. All the danger is on the other side. It is a fading flower; soon passing away, and leaving the intellectual and moral qualities, the grand requisites to conjugal felicity. Even while it lasts, it enters much less into the essence of connubial bliss, than the youthful imagination is apt to suppose. Some of the happiest marriages I have ever known were cases in which the wife was remarkably homely, rather than beautiful; but in which her moral beauty was very conspicuous. While, therefore, it is, doubtless, desirable that the woman with whom you hope to spend your life, should have a face and person entirely agreeable to you; I trust you will not be unwise enough to consider a "set of features and complexion," as all in all in your choice. In less than half a dozen years after you have become a husband, every thing of this nature will be lost in the more important considerations of the understanding, the temper, the heart, and the practical duties of domestic life.
11. I solemnly warn you against marrying for money. And by this I mean something more than is commonly intended by the expression. To be influenced, in forming a matrimonial connection, solely or chiefly, by the consideration of property, and not by genuine affection, I hold to be a complicated wickedness; a sin against God, against nature, and against domestic enjoyment; and it is no less a folly than a sin. Such marriages are scarcely every happy; and no wonder that the frown of heaven, as well as the disapprobation of all the wise and good, should rest upon them. But I would go further, and say, to a young clergyman, by no means marry a lady of very large estate, even if you can love her sincerely. Her property will, without something like a miracle, be a snare to you. She will probably expect to live in splendour; to see much company; and to adopt a style of equipage and expense by no means friendly to Christian simplicity and spirituality. This will be fatal to your ministerial fidelity and comfort. Besides, the very care and anxiety unavoidable in managing a large estate, would make your heart and hands so full of the world, as wholly to interfere with exclusive consecration to the duties of your office. I say again, then, be not in haste to wed a large worldly property. In one case only would I allow such a step, viz., where the female who brought the property was decidedly pious; disposed to be plain and simple in her habits; and not likely to ensnare a servant of Christ, by worldly cares and parade. But who can be sure that this will be the case with her whom he marries? The best way is to avoid the danger altogether. In giving this advice, however, I acknowledge, I have little hope that it will be considered as wise, and far less that it will be followed. But if you go counter to it, you will bring on yourself many a heartache, which will convince you of its wisdom afterwards. I have known of one instance of a clergyman declining a matrimonial connection of the most attractive character from motives such as these; but he was a man of singular piety, disinterestedness, and magnanimity.
12. Recollect that there is no step in life, in which you stand more in need of constant divine direction, than in choosing a wife. Perhaps I ought rather to say, that there is no temporal step in which you stand so much in need of the guidance of infinite Wisdom. To marry without cordial affection is madness. To marry without sacredly listening to the dictates of prudence, as to the piety, the good sense, the good temper, and the amiable manners of the individual selected, is equal madness. How shall the demands of both be satisfied? Especially since this, of all the subjects which come before the mind, is that concerning which caprice, fancy, and passion are, perhaps, most apt to blind the judgment, and bear a sovereign sway? For my part, when I recollect these things, I am constrained to ask, can there be a subject concerning which you more urgently need guidance from above? Can there be a subject in regard to which it behoves you more implicitly to cast yourself on the teaching and the control of God, and more importunately to beg him to choose for you? To this momentous matter, let me, with peculiar emphasis, apply that precious precept and promise of God's word;—"Acknowledge him in all thy ways, and he will direct thy steps." [Prov 3:6] Beseech him with unwearied importunity to go before you; to guard you against the confidence of selfwill, and the government of unhallowed passion; to point out the proper object; to direct your choice in mercy; and to preside over every step in your progress. He can, and if you importunately ask him, you have reason to hope, he will, guide your eye; control your feelings; lead you by his providence; remove difficulties; and conduct you to a union for which you will have reason to praise him for ever. If God were more acknowledged and honoured in forming matrimonial connections, we should see more happy marriages. But if, instead of this, in seeking a wife, you forget the best Counsellor; conduct your inquiries more by the eye than the ear; think only of those qualities which please the fancy; depend on effecting an entire revolution in a character confessed not to be, at present, at all suitable; and turn away from the warnings of piety and experience;—why, then, you will probably find your acquisition a scourge instead of a blessing, and all your anticipated joys turned into gall and wormwood.
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