71. Of the duty of fathers and mothers in law.
The extent of this title [Fathers] is in the last place to be considered. Not only natural parents themselves, but also all that are in their place are comprised under it. As they who are in the place of parents,
1. By the bond of marriage.
2. By propinquity of blood.
3. By voluntary appointment.
The first sort are fathers and mothers in law: who are so reckoned either by the marriage of parents themselves, or by the marriage of their children.
That man or woman which is married to a parent that had children before their marriage, is in the place of a natural parent: thus Joseph was a father to Jesus (Luke 2:48), and Keturah a mother to Isaac (Gen 25:1). So again the natural parents of the son that hath married a wife, or of that daughter that is married to an husband, are in the place of parents to the wife of their son, and to the husband of their daughter. Thus Jethro was a father to Moses (Exod 18:1), and Naomi a mother to Ruth (Ruth 3:1).
All these are to account their children in law [that is, the children of their husband and wife, or the wives of their sons, and the husbands of their daughters] as their own natural children, and according to the age and place of these children to perform the forenamed duties, and every way to seek their good [except in such duties as after a peculiar manner belong to natural parents, as nursing to a natural mother, leaving the inheritance to a natural parent].
For a pattern hereof take the forenamed examples of Joseph and Naomi. What natural parents could do more for their own children than Joseph did for Jesus, and Naomi for Ruth? The history noteth how Joseph took care to have his wives' children circumcised, and presented in the temple (Luke 2:21,22): how he fled from place to place to preserve the child's life (Matt 2:14): how perplexed he was when he thought the child was lost (Luke 2:48): how he trained him up in his own house (Luke 2:51). The history also noteth how Naomi brought Ruth her son's wife into her own country, and retained her with herself (Ruth 1:22), and directed her whither to go (Ruth 2:22), and what husband to have (Ruth 3:1), and became a nurse to her child (Ruth 4:16).
1. Marriage maketh man and wife one flesh: in which respect they ought to have one mind, and the same affections, as mutually each to other, so jointly to the children of each other. On which ground also the husband and wife of a child, being one flesh with the child, ought as the child to be respected. On this ground God counteth the Saints his dear children (Eph 5:1), because they espoused to his natural son (2 Cor 11:2).
2. To respect the children of an husband or wife as their own, is a great evidence of entire love to the husband and wife. And to respect the husband and wife of a child is a great evidence of love to the child itself. If the world's proverb hold true [love me and love my dog] how much more true is this Christian rule, love me and love my child: or love me and love mine husband: or love me and love my wife.
3. This also is an especial means to kindle and preserve mutual love betwixt man and wife, who have children of former husbands and wives: as also betwixt parents and children.
72. Of the perverse carriage of fathers and mothers in law to their children.
Contrary is the carriage of most fathers and mothers in law: especially of those who are married to husbands or to wives that had children before marriage: so far they are from performing the forenamed duty, as rather they envy at the prosperity of their husbands' and wives' children: and secretly endeavour to hinder it in what they can: and cunningly seek to alienate the natural parents' affection from them: whence fearful tragedies have been made, and lamentable mischiefs have followed. What other reason can be given hereof but a plain instigation of the devil, who thus laboureth to disunite those whom God hath joined together? For avoiding this snare note the mischiefs that follow from thence.
1. Such parents sin against God's ordinance: and as Eve, lean more to Satan's suggestion than to God's direction.
2. They alienate the hearts and affections of one from another: not only from their children, but from themselves.
3. They provoke their children in law to contemn and despise them, and to yield no duty unto them.
Hence note into what an hell unkind fathers and mothers in law do cast themselves. If this were duly weighed, I think they would be otherwise minded. But the god of this world doth so blind their eyes with self-love, and with envy, that they cannot see the mischiefs whereinto they implunge themselves.
This is a point the more to be weighed, because the fault here taxed is so common, and hath in all ages been too common. What grievous complaints have in former times been made, and still are made by children against fathers, and mothers in law? Whence also direful imprecations have followed. Let widowers and widows that have children seriously think of it beforehand: and be the more circumspect in taking a second or third husband or wife: and after they are married let them take heed of Satan's snares: and let conscience of duty more prevail with them, than corruption of nature.
