I think I just pinpointed a difficulty I have with my faith. Through experience I haven't really seen how the bad things in life work for my good, which leads to doubt during the bad things that happen in life. Often my troubles lead to anxiety, fear, set backs in character growth, doubting and complaining to God, feeling jaded, losing zeal and strength to serve more, etc.
Why am I not seeing the fruit? If I doubt during suffering, then how is that difficulty leading to something good as an outcome? Why did he promise good when he sovereignly appoints doubt, brokenness, and confusion as the outcome? If I rely on my own faith and performance to grow during the difficulty, and I am failing, how is that working for my good? I can't rely on my own strength and work, I am too weak and he must do it. If God is the one working things out, why are they used for my detriment? Whether it's my responsibility or God's work, I'm not seeing a good outcome during my hardships, and I often see one pain compiled on another by adding a spiritual pain to it. Since God is sovereign in such things, I would imagine good results like deeper faith, strong trust, character growth, etc., would always be the outcome since I am his child.
I know it's a lot of rambling. Maybe I'm just looking for some kind of sympathy and a good word to help change my negative thoughts. Thank you all!
What do you think your 'good' will look like?
I've been living with long-term illness for a while now, as well as some other difficult issues, so I hope you won't take what I'm about to say as trite or condescending - it's what I preach to myself.
Firstly, look at the good those serving Christ in the scriptures received: Isaiah and Jeremiah's agonies, Job, and Paul's sufferings - which led him to the point that he 'despaired even of life' and was oppressed by 'anxiety for all the churches'. Yet these men would have said, at least afterwards, that this was for their good, as well as that of the churches... and Paul does say, of course, that he has 'learned to be content in all circumstances'. He has only learned this by going through all circumstances... and some of them have been very hard.
What good is God working in you? Well, for me, I needed my pride
hammered if I was to stay on track. That's never going to come through success or obvious outward growth. Self-reliance is our great enemy. So often we unwittingly envisage growth in godliness as an inner strength that is actually a projected, spiritualised version of self-reliance. It isn't: growth is the ability to hang onto God every moment
especially those in which we are struggling and cannot see any good coming from hanging on. If we only trust him when we can see what we are getting out of it - even spiritually - then it's a pretty shallow trust. Doubt, brokenness and confusion are exactly where we learn how fragile and false our faith was at the start, and are opportunities to build a true reliance on him.
In these heavy situations you may not see your own growth. But if you are holding onto him, despite a situation that's harder than ever before, if you are still trying, still fighting - you have probably grown far, far more than you think.
Our ideas of what is good for us are so often diluted prosperity gospel, whatever our background is. But God is not like that: he is like a doctor operating on a very sick patient, and sometimes medicine
really hurts. Sometimes it makes you feel a lot sicker than your actual illness. But it's worth it.
So if you doubt during suffering, that could very well be for your good - not because doubt is good (it certainly isn't) but because the fragile foundations of your faith have been exposed, and that's what it's going to take in order to shore them up. When we hear that there is suffering in the Christian life, we so often think that this will mean outward sufferings - persecution, maybe illness - but not inward sufferings, spiritual trials and pains. We think we'll be buoyed up through the sufferings by inward joy and peace that's ever increasing. But that's not what he promises, real as joy and peace are in the Christian life.
And then, of course, as you've said, his power
is made perfect in weakness. Paul did not live 'the victorious Christian life'; but his holding onto a mighty God in the middle of suffering and weakness, God's working
through him and his weakness, had awesome power for the gospel.
Praying for you, brother. Praying that you will have your eyes opened to what he is doing in you; praying that you do have some let-up in whatever you are going through; praying that you come to the point that you can say with Paul that you have learned to be content in every circumstance; and that you will come through to a truly battle-hardened, confident faith that holds on to God through thick and thin; and praying that God will be working through your weakness in a way that will let you see his grace transforming the lives of others.
