My Wife and I have enjoyed twelve years of an excellent marriage. Our honeymoon period lasted for probably three years, no joke. There have been several things that have contributed to this blessed time together.
1. We married young (she was 19, I was 20). I know that many will object for various reasons, and the Lord does not give this opportunity to all, but we believe that the joy of youth contributed to at least the extended honeymoon period. We were speaking over lunch with some good friends yesterday about this very issue, and they agreed that if one has the opportunity in front of them, it should be seriously considered. They both married at 20, now with three teenage boys, and we all agreed that youth, while carrying with it its own set of problems, has definite benefits. We have several friends who either have married in their mid-late 30's, or who are seeking a spouse, and we have noticed that the older they get, the more quirks and petty preferences they develop that restrict either their post marital happiness, or their premarital choice of a spouse. We did not feel, as many, that we should wait for financial stability, or to both complete school. The Lord placed us before one another, and we have relied on Him to take care of all things as we work with diligence (and none of the naysayers' concerns have ever effected us).
2. God graced us with both a "love at first sight" relationship as well as being highschool sweethearts. Now I know that the biblical definition of love is a different thing, something that must grow and serve, but we have always laughed at those who say there is no such phenomenon (skeptics all), because when I saw my future wife hobble into that youth group meeting on her crutches (from a cheerleading accident), the first thing I thought to myself was, "she is fine, and I think that I could marry her!". It was not just teenage lust either, it was an attraction that I had never felt towards any other girl. She has said the same thing happened for her as well. You know that if you can be attracted to a girl with crutches and a leg brace on first acquaintance, there more to it than just the hormones of youth!
3. Most importantly, I believe, was the pain of separation during my military service that caused us to distinguish between the trivial and the important in life, and to appreciate every day that we have together. We got engaged shortly after I enlisted, and for the two years prior to our wedding, I was only able to see her for two week periods every six months when block leave came around. Being in a Ranger battalion prevented any flexibility in leave periods, and on at least one occasion, my leave was cancelled when we were called up to prepare for a potential situation. When that happened, she just didn't hear from me for about six weeks; even the married guys could only call to tell their wives to basically say, "Hey honey, we're going to be gone somewhere for awhile, I don't know when we'll be back, I love you, and take care of the kids while I'm away." For two years we wrote letters almost daily, and called on the phone during weekends. That extended separation, and forced commitment to fidelity and distance communication, really solidified our relationship before we were ever married. I truly think that this same situation (although on a much greater scale) is why so many marriages from the WWII era lasted for sixty-plus years. When you have been facing uncertainty of ever seeing one another again, you tend to let the stupid things slide that a less mature couple might tear themselves apart over.
4. We actually learned something from Jim Dobson... It was at least on his "Focus on the Family" radio show, although I'm not certain if it was original to him. It was an acronym that you were supposed to employ whenever you would begin to fight, or to become irritable with one another. It was H.A.L.T., and it stood for "Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired". So the idea was that whenever you started to fight, one person would say "HALT!" Then you'd ask the other person, "Are you hungry? angry?..." etc., and then take care of that problem with rest, food, time cuddling, or apologizing for whatever had made them upset. I kid you not, that saved us from so much trouble for about the first five years. After that we came up with a modified version, HALT-P. The P stood for pregnant! Sometimes just being pregnant is the only explanation for a woman's complaints
So I probably cannot help you out much, as our relationship began on an outstanding note, and it has continued in the same excellent way. The troubles have mostly been external, rather than created by us, and yet have been used nonetheless to give strength to our relationship. All I can say is "Give God the glory", as we thank him every day for twelve years of marriage given by His grace that many of our friends and past acquaintances have not been granted.
If I could add any advice to the discussion, it would be to commit yourselves in prayer to Him together daily, resting in His grace, and also to try employing the HALT acronym (HALT-P when the time comes). I know that you'll think it's silly at first, but it really can help you to pinpoint the source of the problem in an effective way, because just claiming that she is giving evidence of her indwelling sin nature in an "already/not yet" eschatological state-prior-to-her-glorification will not help solve the problem men - I guarantee it!
