I have to say that I have mixed feelings about this. I grew up involved in overseas missions, and so did my husband. I think that missionaries sometimes have a really negative attitude toward people in the USA. I never get the sense that any of the missionaries I meet (not on this board, but in person, I mean) are even slightly interested in my life, although they expect me to take a compelling interest in theirs. Apparently, if I'm not doing mission work, then I'm not doing anything. I get the feeling that I am viewed with about the same regard as they view an ATM. I had my children write to missionary children for a while, but dropped it after a bit because the kids they wrote to seemed to enjoy putting my kids down because they didn't speak more than one language and hadn't been to multiple countries.
I remember being that way, though, so in a way, I don't even blame them. I remember all the supporters back home, the big tour of churches, wherein we would talk about our big ministry (and exaggerate a lot), and then laugh to each other about how stupid Americans were.
I do think Americans can be very dense about how things work in other countries, and sometimes they made it easy for us to laugh at them. They also seemed to expect our lives to be really exciting, when in fact, life anywhere is pretty hum-drum once you get used to it. But it is easy as a missionary to start attacking your own supporters (in spirit, if not openly) and condemning them for not knowing as much as missionaries do, or for being busy with things other than mission work, or for not being wealthy enough to give as much money as the missionaries would like.
This is not an excuse for churches to back out of what they promised to give. People should keep their promises in all possible situations, and that includes giving to missions. But I think the lack of charity can (and often does) go both ways.
Caroline:
I agree that many missionaries develop a sort of reactionary response against their own nations/cultures. Some of this is healthy, and some of it not so healthy. One comes to value other cultures, and one's idealistic and unrealistic views of patriotism towards one's own country decreases over time sometimes. However, for some of us, I think spending some years in a "backward" place has helped me appreciate the West even more. Missions training helps to combat ethno-centrism; but I am more and more thankful that the West is orderly, it is a culture that knows how to wait in lines, has better public safety standards, and (sorry) a culture that often polices bodily functions, hygiene, and body odors a lot better than many other cultures of the world (although the West does seem to be growing more and more tattoed and pierced and shaggy and unkempt lately).
Do missionaries not care about your lives?: Usually, when missionaries pass through churches, it is expected that they use the time to report or update supporters. That is probably why some missionaries do not seem as interested in your life as they seem about reporting to you about their own lives. They think that they must fill you in with a report since it will be another 4 or 5 years until you see them again.
Many missionaries (I know I am one) tire exceedingly of anwering the same 5 or 6 questions about their service (number one being, "Whatcha all eat over there") and many of us are only too relieved to hear about "news from the homefront" and about the local churches that they are passing through and meeting. Strangely, some church-goers seem to use missionaries as sounding boards to complain against their own pastors and churches. Also, many church-goers invite the missionary over with the express purpose of "hearing about your ministry" and so there is pressure to perform or report, and this may account for the lopsided conversations you have had.
I am sorry that you are viewed (or that you perceive that you are viewed) as an ATM. Many of my missionry peers don't even want to bring up money. And I am better off financially and I get to travel more than many folks in my supporting churches back home. This really makes me feel guilty at times. Whereas many US supporters work a 40-hour week and endure no change in their wage for years, I am able to raise extra funds for special projects when the needs arise. I remember working 12-hour shifts in the military and seeing my years stretch out before me as a mathematical calculation of so much money earned per hour per week.....very depressing. Now, I am engaged in scholarships and helping funds buildings, etc, and folks give extra funds here and there for special projects such as this.
It has been very humbling when I have visited factory workers who work 6 days per week and then come to hear me on their one day a week off per week and then try to give extra during that day. Or even worse, the bi-vocational pastor who is not supported by his own church but works 40-hours a week who tries to make sure that I am fully-supported and free to minister full-time. I am in a very privileged position. My dad worked 30 years in a car factory and he says weird things like, "I couldn't do what you all do in the jungle?" and I am flabbergasted because I get to spend so much time with my family, I largely make my own hours, work as hard or light as I want to (or feel called to), and I travel at will.
I have known a few missionaries (even those who claim to "George Mueller" it) who often drop hints about funds. And some others are wrongly perceived to be dropping hints when they are not. Some of this is not "hint-dropping but a natural part of their reporting (finances is one aspect of missionary life, after all, an must, too, be reported). Normal church folks talk about money and the economy, but if a missionary talks about money (or lack of it) it is often screened or filtered through a more critical lens.
If a supporters says, "Wow, we've had trouble meeting bills in this economy" people take it at face value. If a missionary says, "We've been really tight on finances this year." It often is taken for more than what it is.
Also, it is sometimes hard for missionaries to bear hearing about supporters' financial woes and the bad economy when we see their churches and cars and clothes, and see all the restaurants fairly full even on weeknights, etc. Of course, I also tire of missionary newsletters with little pie charts or thermometers showing how far they are before they reach the level of "100% support." Of course, I am sure my discomfort at this is less than those missionaries who are makin those charts and who are at less than 100% support.
Missionary letter-writing: I have my son write U.S. children. Noah often doesn't know the toys or the new games that the US kids write about. So, he tells them about how he plays in the jungle. And how he speaks several languages. He writes about what he knows. This is no effort to "show-up" his American friends. In fact, it might be a way to keep pace with what could be viewed as boasting by the children in the U.S. about all their latest gadgets and toys ("I don't have a nintendo, but I can speak the local language" sort of thing)...but I think kids are just kids and they write what they are proud of. I truthfully highly doubt that any of these children were truly putting your children down and it is a shame that you don't write them anymore.
Yes, I think a lack of charity often goes both ways. I know that I have often fought back a critical spirit when encountering certain trends or common patterns of ignorance about missions from some churches. Some of these patterns of ignorance can severely hinder missions, cause Western supporters to be needlessly critical of missionaries, even cause some churches to drop support or under-support missionaries, cause needless suffering on the part of the missionaries, etc, and so, in these cases, missionaries ought to try to educate or raise awareness about certain aspects of the mission field.
