A Child's Understanding

[ChananBachiyr]

Good morning, brothers and sisters in Christ.
I was hoping to get a bit of clarity on a question that has been bugging me for a few days now.

Generally, around what age do children begin to understand that their parents in the Lord want to keep them from sin, and to lead them to Christ, rather than simply enforcing "rules?"

I ask this because my 5 year old is... "strong willed," if I can put it that way. She asks why at any and every command, and she'll argue with a darn stop sign, I'm convinced.
I'd like to think that I've been consistent her entire life in instruction and discipline. Normally I'll warn her once, but after that, she receives discipline - and we've tried several types of discipline.
But she has a hard time listening. I see this in our family worship often times. I read a sentence and ask her about way I just read and she can't tell me.
We take toys, it does not good - she'll play with her feet. We take her by the shoulders, get face to face, to get her attention, and that lasts for a few seconds and the attention leaving the building is clearly visible.

Many different circumstances, many different types of adjustments, but it seems to come back to "I don't want to."
I try reasoning with her and explaining things in what I feel is a very kid appropriate and relative manner, but its like I'm talking to a 5 year old or something...

Am I expecting too much to expect her to actually pay attention for a minute or two?
Am I expecting too much to expect her to be obedient, without arguing and a bad attitude, at her age?
Is the warning not a good thing? Should I go straight to discipline? I feel like she'd receive a lot of discipline and not a lot of tenderness, grace, and love... Is that normally the case with this age?

 

[chuckd]

The answer is "every child is different." I know that's frustrating, but keep at it. She wants to go down a path and you are the only one that loves her enough to keep her from going down it. If you let up, it will be harder for her to change in the future.

 

[dsanch1120]

May not be want you want to hear. I was stubborn and in my sin rejected that my parents truly wanted what was best for me, namely keeping me from sin. This was until the Lord intervened in my life when I was 16, and even then it wasn’t until I moved out of the house in college that I truly began to appreciate my parents and expressed my gratitude to them. God was and is faithful to children.
This said, my siblings never seemed to have the same struggle, but I imagine they grew into it. God is faithful in both cases.

 

[LilyG]

All 4 of our kids are like that to some degree. Lol. I sympathize.

I noticed over the years it is good for everyone if we take a few steps back and look at the bigger picture. Give the littler ones more time to come around during reading or family worship. Spend time with your kids in other enjoyable ways, enjoy their company. Find something they are interested in and do it with them for a few minutes. Building that sweet relationship with her will go a long way.

 

[ChananBachiyr]

All 4 of our kids are like that to some degree. Lol. I sympathize.

I noticed over the years it is good for everyone if we take a few steps back and look at the bigger picture. Give the littler ones more time to come around during reading or family worship. Spend time with your kids in other enjoyable ways, enjoy their company. Find something they are interested in and do it with them for a few minutes. Building that sweet relationship with her will go a long way.

Oh, I absolutely do. I do as much as I can with her. As I'm able, I even do things with her while mom is busy and I've got the 10 month old too.
It's just never enough. And as soon as I try to sit her down to read or teach her something, she will not.
I tried to teach her how to shoot my slingshot the other day... She saw me slinging acorns out into the pasture, she asked if she could try, "Sure!" I say. After she messes up several shots because she isn't holding it correctly, I say "Let me show you how to hold the pouch so you can shoot em really far!" She said "No thanks!" Dropped the slingshot in my hands and ran off to do something else.

As a man, I love to teach what I know, and so much more to my family. But it kinda stings when she does that. I keep trying though, no worries!

 

[LilyG]

I understand. It took my kids a while to come around.

 

[Theoretical]

I don't have children of my own, but I am close to a couple of families with young kids and have seen and participated in family worship with them, that have kids that age.

I tried to teach her how to shoot my slingshot the other day... She saw me slinging acorns out into the pasture, she asked if she could try, "Sure!" I say. After she messes up several shots because she isn't holding it correctly, I say "Let me show you how to hold the pouch so you can shoot em really far!" She said "No thanks!" Dropped the slingshot in my hands and ran off to do something else.

Two thoughts. She's not specifically avoiding family worship. It's just in the grab bag of other low attention activities. That's a very big difference than unique resistance to worship.

The other one is have you considered singing? There's catechism songs, scripture singing, and of course Crown and Covenant's massive library of psalm singing videos.

 

[John Nyberg]

Sounds like you are doing a great job leading your family, brother. Your daughter is already receiving a priceless spiritual gift in having a father who cares about her spiritual well being.

Every child is different. I have a 7 year old son who is smart, interested in the word, able to read anything he picks up, yet he is often openly defiant, requiring stern discipline.

My daughter is 5. She is sweet, more reserved. She cares about her infant brother. She serves well. Yet she is less interested in the word and is sometimes dishonest. I do not always treat them both the same, but try to adjust my approach to their individual needs.

Though still a relatively young father, I can say that parenting children requires consistency, sternness, compassion and mercy. From what I read of your post it seems that you are well qualified to steward those little ones. Keep it up and keep praying for them, brother.

 

[ChananBachiyr]

I don't have children of my own, but I am close to a couple of families with young kids and have seen and participated in family worship with them, that have kids that age.

Two thoughts. She's not specifically avoiding family worship. It's just in the grab bag of other low attention activities. That's a very big difference than unique resistance to worship.

The other one is have you considered singing? There's catechism songs, scripture singing, and of course Crown and Covenant's massive library of psalm singing videos.

Yes, we sing every night during family worship. Usually it's just a doxology, but sometimes we add a verse from something else.
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Sounds like you are doing a great job leading your family, brother. Your daughter is already receiving a priceless spiritual gift in having a father who cares about her spiritual well being.

Every child is different. I have a 7 year old son who is smart, interested in the word, able to read anything he picks up, yet he is often openly defiant, requiring stern discipline.

My daughter is 5. She is sweet, more reserved. She cares about her infant brother. She serves well. Yet she is less interested in the word and is sometimes dishonest. I do not always treat them both the same, but try to adjust my approach to their individual needs.

Though still a relatively young father, I can say that parenting children requires consistency, sternness, compassion and mercy. From what I read of your post it seems that you are well qualified to steward those little ones. Keep it up and keep praying for them, brother.

Thank you for your encouragement!

 

[Andres]

Your daughter needs a new heart, just like we all did/do. Until the Lord gives her a new heart, hers will remain hardened to Him. Pray He would give her one. Pray this often. Daily. With her hearing these prayers at times. And of course, keep pointing her to Christ and explaining to her why she needs to be born again and why she needs to flee to Christ to save her. Ensure that in all your discipline of her that you continually let her know how much you love her and how much God loves her and this is why you discipline her. Also remind her that she is a sinner (evidenced by her being disciplined for sinning) but that there is mercy and forgiveness for our sins in Christ alone.