Mr. Shahan,
Here are some things I think about and dwell upon when I deal with this issue.
This sounds trite, but I always recall the simple gospel promises of God in His Word. I haven't read Edwards' treatment on religious affections, and from what I've read by way of review, it treats true affections, false affections, true faith, false faith, etc. And in the light of that, my answer probably seems trite. But when demons are baring their teeth, and the door opens up beneath you (or seems to) its incredibly helpful for me to simply remember that everyone who calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved, that those who believe have passed from death to life, and are free from condemnation.
When Arminians say that predestination undercuts preaching, we always affirm in bold tones that God's predestinations do not contradict or cut against the grain of God's promises. They work hand-in-hand. And sometimes its best, not to forget theology (because I don't mean this in a pietistic way at all), but to set aside some of the intricacies and corridors for a minute, and just rest on the simplicity of clinging to Christ.
Also, it helps me to think of Abraham lying to Pharaoh, of Jacob swindling his father, of David having someone slaughtered just to sleep with his wife, of Peter spending three bodily years with the Lord only to deny him thrice in His darkest hour, etc. We are always so hard on ourselves... and we should be. Because ultimately the standard is God, and thus, really, the sins of others don't make our sins any lighter. But it helps to remember the grace of God in the lives of some of his greatest agents. The righteous man falls down seven times and rises up eight.
I mean even after Peter was rebuked as Satan by Jesus, and denied Christ in His passion, and received the Holy Spirit in Pentecostal and Apostolic power, he still had to be thoroughly rebuked by Paul for his treatment of the Gentiles.
Also, though its a bit trite, the answer that others gave, namely, "would a regenerate person even care" often helps me out.
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As to your specific issue, that is, forgiving someone else. Not to get too complicated, since I don't know your situation, but there are multiple ways you could be meaning that. You can "forgive them" in the sense of releasing your boiling wrath, and hoping that they find mercy before God's final judgment. However, you could do both of those things and still struggle with just inner resentment and an outright dislike of them.
But really, I wouldn't look at it so much from a "forgiveness" angle. I mean, all you are really failing to do is to love your neighbor as yourself. You have received great grace and mercy from God, and you aren't wanting to extend it the same way to your neighbor. However, I would take heart, because there's not one person on this board that can say they love God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength, and their neighbor as theirself.
Not one.
I appreciate Reformed Christianity because (since its the truth) it presents the full-orbed truth of God. And man often errs in two directions, whether it be antinomianism - legalism, asceticism - libertinism, what have you.
And on the one hand, Reformation teaching lashes out against perfectionism, Wesleyanism, et al. with severe strokes and labors to prove that we will struggle with the remnants of sin until death, and that sin is like the beard on a man's face that is renewed no matter how many times we shave it off.
And on the other hand, it stresses the absolute rigor and full and utter demands of the law in all of its purity and exactness. So we take sin more seriously than other traditions, down to holidays, incredibly pure worship, Sabbath observance, images of Christ, etc.
And I think both of those emphases are true. However, sometimes I feel that we don't allow them to connect with each other. We correctly apply those two medicines to the two different illnesses, but we never connect the wires together.
The law is perfect and holy and good, and we should be growing in obedience, growing in our knowledge of the law, etc. However, sometimes the spirit of certain topics (e.g. the Sabbath and exclusive psalmody... and I'm not being contentious, since I believe in the Lord's Day and lean towards e.p.) comes across as, "How could you possibly be a Christian and not believe this" or "If you watch football on Sunday, you understand nothing of the Lord."
Now let me clarify that I don't believe in watching football on Sunday, but that's not the point. The gospel comes to God-hating, God-defying, sinful, lecherous, violent, bloodthirsty, serpentine enemies of God. And within two years some question a conversion because people haven't grown to the point that they won't watch football on Sunday...
I don't know if I'm making my point. Sanctification is real and should be emphasized, but Romans 7 either means something or it doesn't. If God's word is true, then you will never stop struggling with sin this side of glorification. Ever. No matter what advice we give and how hard you try. So... the fact that you are struggling with it shouldn't weigh you down to despair. Because we all do, in some fashion or another.
But anyway, I don't even think I made a point in the last few paragraphs.
Mea culpa.
When I chew on all of those things, and the emotions still aren't fixed... and I take it seriously, and I don't mean this in a trite fashion... but after prayer, after seeking God, reading the Scriptures, even fasting... if you still feel all rotten inside, in all honesty I believe one of the healthiest things you can do is to say, "If God d*mns me, He d*mns me. That's His right. If I have any hope of being saved, it is through Christ and Christ alone, and I pray that I am included in His atonement. But ultimately it is in His hands, and not in mind."
Leave the decision with him, and in the spirit of Martin Luther, go take a walk outside, kiss your wife, play with your dog, have a glass of beer, anything. Something. Just take your mind off of yourself and off of your problem after you have utilized all the means that you can.
Anyway, hope some of that helped. I'm certainly no expert.
