Choosing Habits

[Faithhopelove24]

Hi all,

This post may seem ridiculous to some of you, especially those of you who are naturally disciplined and have maintained the same healthy habits for years.

I had a great talk with my wife the other day and I asked her what is one area I could work on that she thinks would most improve my life right now, and she said consistency. She sees (and I see it too) my struggle to stick with things, and to be disciplined with good habits.

I think one of my problems is a sort of paralysis analysis, where I never settle on one thing because I am always wondering about all the options, or if what I am doing is the best way to do it.

So, for example, in having consistent time with the Lord, I become distracted with how I should do it; what Bible to use, what Bible reading plan, what Christian books to read, what method of prayer to use. Though I am consistent in meeting with the Lord, I believe the results of this and other habits would be better if I could choose one thing and stick to it.

Overall, it makes it difficult to finish many books, to have consistent exercise, eating habits, and all sort of things.

Has anyone else run into this issue, and what are some ways to work through it?

How do you choose the right habits and commit fully to them?

Sometimes I wonder if my indecisiveness is partly a result of a glut of options, and so I’ve pondered the benefits of simplicity/minimalism to remove distractions.

At this point, I’m rambling. Your thoughts appreciated.

Thanks.

 

[Parakaleo]

Are you committed to leading your household in a daily family worship time?

- Set a time every day (twice is better, morning and evening) and gather everyone in your household
- Sing a psalm (use a helpful app like the 1650 Psalter app)
- Read a chapter (or a half chapter) of the Bible (I would use the King James Version)
- Share some helpful meditation or application from the text with your family (does NOT have to be high-level; many use the notes from the Reformation Heritage Study Bible)
- Pray

 

[Faithhopelove24]

Are you committed to leading your household in a daily family worship time?

- Set a time every day (twice is better, morning and evening) and gather everyone in your household
- Sing a psalm (use a helpful app like the 1650 Psalter app)
- Read a chapter (or a half chapter) of the Bible (I would use the King James Version)
- Share some helpful meditation or application from the text with your family (does NOT have to be high-level; many use the notes from the Reformation Heritage Study Bible)
- Pray

Yes, that’s great. We have some good family rhythms. I’m more concerned with my personal habits in this post.

 

[Pictet]

Hi all,

This post may seem ridiculous to some of you, especially those of you who are naturally disciplined and have maintained the same healthy habits for years.

I had a great talk with my wife the other day and I asked her what is one area I could work on that she thinks would most improve my life right now, and she said consistency. She sees (and I see it too) my struggle to stick with things, and to be disciplined with good habits.

I think one of my problems is a sort of paralysis analysis, where I never settle on one thing because I am always wondering about all the options, or if what I am doing is the best way to do it.

So, for example, in having consistent time with the Lord, I become distracted with how I should do it; what Bible to use, what Bible reading plan, what Christian books to read, what method of prayer to use. Though I am consistent in meeting with the Lord, I believe the results of this and other habits would be better if I could choose one thing and stick to it.

It's a good question. I'm sure many of us can empathise; I certainly can.

Part of it, surely, is simply the obvious fact you will be aware of already: you will never find the perfect method for any of these things, and it doesn't matter that much because consistency with a bad method always outperforms inconsistency with the best one.

Pray about why you want a better method for everything. Ask for contentment, for patience, with the opportunities you have now. Ask God to show you what the underlying discontent or dissatisfaction stems from.

For me, it's simply pride. I want to be deeply theologically learned, so instead of reading the next good theological book, I am tempted to waste time searching for the best book, or mapping out multi-year reading programs for each area of systematics, or whatever. I've got to be willing to acknowledge I will never be as complete and learned as I want in this life, and the desire to be so is temptation. I need to repent of it.

Added to that, basic habit-forming advice is helpful. Don't try and change everything at once. Build small key habits one by one. You don't transform your life overnight.

So pick one thing to work on this month, and another next month. Make the goals ridiculously small and simple, so that you can meet them on bad days as well as good. Try to simplify things as much as possible: e.g. read your Bible in the same chair each morning, or whatever - and have one Bible there in that chair, and your phone in another room. Make sure it's at the same time each day. Build habits by linking them to pre-existing habits - e.g. 'after I brush my teeth I will always x for ten minutes'.

Separate doing the habit from thinking about it: e.g., don't think about which Bible to read while you are reading the Bible - park that question till later in the day. It can be helpful to write down things you want to think about later - e.g. you are praying/reading/whatever and suddenly have a thought about a theological subject you could explore. Write down in a handy notebook to think about it, and then get on with your real task. You can come back to the distraction later in the day - or discover it's not worth it.

You may find a secular book on habits (e.g. Charles Duhigg) helpful, though you need to read it with a discerning mind.

The desire for a perfect life, and to do every part of it perfectly, is certainly a dangerous one for modern people like us with so many options. But don't feel overwhelmed. Just getting a couple of solid habits in place - even just daily prayer and daily reading of the Bible according to any plan - will provide the linchpins which will over time equip you, change you, and establish you, so that you can become more reliable all round.

 

[beardedreformer]

Having struggled with similar things recently, I decided to simply sit down and memorise a Psalm. It was quite encouraging. If you push through, you can memorise a short Psalm quite quickly. I prayed using the Psalm, and am now looking forwards for which bits of Scripture to go to next. Sometimes I wonder if we try to be too rigid with ourselves when cracking down on consistency; it's hard to see cultivating a habit in the simple delight of dwelling in the Word as harmful.

Edit: it appears that me an the user above posted roughly the same time. Follow his advice as well, it's great!

 

[davejonescue]

I too am like you. I searched for Christian books on Self-Discipline, and surprisingly, there are very few. I finally purchased one by a Catholic Bishop named B.W. Maturin entitled "Self-Knowledge & Self-Discipline." But since I lack discipline, I havent finished it yet.

 

[DNM300]

Assuming you limit your options to the faithful, reputable translations - just choose your favorite and let that be your daily reader. As far as prayer, let the Lords Prayer be your main template and add the particular needs of your own soul, family, church, and community as opportunity and need arises.

I do agree with advice given for chunking, that is progressing through small individual goals at a time.

Also, just being gracious with yourself - there is no rule that says you must finish one book before picking up another.

 

[Cornelius Van Halen]

A suggestion I once received from a mentor was to buy a daily Bible and to use a different color pen each year. I was told that if I miss a day, don’t try and play catch up, just read the day you’re on. Trust that what you don’t get to in the black ink year, you’ll see in the red ink year.

My first year with it I missed a lot of days. But the pressure to read double or triple was gone, so missing days didn’t result in giving up. My next year I didn’t miss any.
I enjoyed my daily reading instead of getting bogged down with the tempo.

It’s also fun to see your notes/underlining from previous year.

 

[No Other Name]

A suggestion I once received from a mentor was to buy a daily Bible and to use a different color pen each year. I was told that if I miss a day, don’t try and play catch up, just read the day you’re on. Trust that what you don’t get to in the black ink year, you’ll see in the red ink year.

I am sorry, but use a different color pen each year to do what? Take notes? Or underline as you go along reading?

 

[Cornelius Van Halen]

I am sorry, but use a different color pen each year to do what? Take notes? Or underline as you go along reading?

Oh yeah - sorry that wasn’t clear. In underlining, or I like to write any questions I have from the reading.

 

[Faithhopelove24]

It's a good question. I'm sure many of us can empathise; I certainly can.

Part of it, surely, is simply the obvious fact you will be aware of already: you will never find the perfect method for any of these things, and it doesn't matter that much because consistency with a bad method always outperforms inconsistency with the best one.

Pray about why you want a better method for everything. Ask for contentment, for patience, with the opportunities you have now. Ask God to show you what the underlying discontent or dissatisfaction stems from.

For me, it's simply pride. I want to be deeply theologically learned, so instead of reading the next good theological book, I am tempted to waste time searching for the best book, or mapping out multi-year reading programs for each area of systematics, or whatever. I've got to be willing to acknowledge I will never be as complete and learned as I want in this life, and the desire to be so is temptation. I need to repent of it.

Added to that, basic habit-forming advice is helpful. Don't try and change everything at once. Build small key habits one by one. You don't transform your life overnight.

So pick one thing to work on this month, and another next month. Make the goals ridiculously small and simple, so that you can meet them on bad days as well as good. Try to simplify things as much as possible: e.g. read your Bible in the same chair each morning, or whatever - and have one Bible there in that chair, and your phone in another room. Make sure it's at the same time each day. Build habits by linking them to pre-existing habits - e.g. 'after I brush my teeth I will always x for ten minutes'.

Separate doing the habit from thinking about it: e.g., don't think about which Bible to read while you are reading the Bible - park that question till later in the day. It can be helpful to write down things you want to think about later - e.g. you are praying/reading/whatever and suddenly have a thought about a theological subject you could explore. Write down in a handy notebook to think about it, and then get on with your real task. You can come back to the distraction later in the day - or discover it's not worth it.

You may find a secular book on habits (e.g. Charles Duhigg) helpful, though you need to read it with a discerning mind.

The desire for a perfect life, and to do every part of it perfectly, is certainly a dangerous one for modern people like us with so many options. But don't feel overwhelmed. Just getting a couple of solid habits in place - even just daily prayer and daily reading of the Bible according to any plan - will provide the linchpins which will over time equip you, change you, and establish you, so that you can become more reliable all round.

A good word. Thank you. There are certainly hints of pride and perfectionism mingled in all this.
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A suggestion I once received from a mentor was to buy a daily Bible and to use a different color pen each year. I was told that if I miss a day, don’t try and play catch up, just read the day you’re on. Trust that what you don’t get to in the black ink year, you’ll see in the red ink year.

My first year with it I missed a lot of days. But the pressure to read double or triple was gone, so missing days didn’t result in giving up. My next year I didn’t miss any.
I enjoyed my daily reading instead of getting bogged down with the tempo.

It’s also fun to see your notes/underlining from previous year.

Love this. Thank you.

 

[WithinThePale]

If you have a podcast habit, Crossway run a lot of reading plans as podcasts which I find helpful

 

[Sam Jer]

We have some good family rhythms

I modeled my private worship after the directory for family worship, with the needed adjustments. So a good start would be to model your personal prayer and reading time after the directory or one of these family rhythms, but just do it on your own.

Just don't do my mistake if you model it by the directory by skipping the "cathechizing" bit completely, instead of skipping it replace it with meditation on the text you read or some portion of it.

 

[Andres]

First, ask for the Lord's help, especially in spiritual habits. Pray you would love Christ all the more and He would be all the more sweet to you. (Hopefully) men don't need to be reminded to spend time with their wife but rather that flows from a love for her and a joy in spending time with her. Our love for Christ must far outweigh our love for our wives.
Second, get a good accountability partner for whatever you want to accomplish. Good = will regularly check in with you and keep you on track. I would suggest your wife. She should ask you at the end of each day if you completed your bible reading that day and why not if you didn't. Just knowing she is going to ask you could go far in prompting you to do it.
Third, make patterns so they will form habits. Read at the same time each day in the same spot. Eventually it will feel weird to skip a day. May the Lord give help, brother. Remember when you are distracted in and from the means of grace how much Satan is pleased with this!