Colossians 3:19--"bitter" or "harsh"

[Kim G]

I've seen this verse ("Husbands, love your wives and . . .") in a number of translations, and it ends with either "be not bitter against them" or "do not treat them harshly." What is the root word of bitter/harsh, and how is this verse to be understood?

I read a few older commentaries, and it seems that even commentators who quoted a version that said "do not be bitter" interpreted that to mean "do not treat them harshly."

The reason I ask is that my mom recently heard a sermon using this verse to teach that women are often awful and unsubmissive and hard to get along with, but her husband has to learn not to be bitter. And I don't think that's what this verse is saying at all.

 

[hammondjones]

This might be a good start:
Strong's Number 4087 Greek Dictionary of the New Testament Online Bible with Strong's Exhaustive Concordance, Thayer's Lexicon, Etymology, Translations Definitions Meanings & Key Word Studies - Lexiconcordance.com

strongs-concordance-4393 | New Testament Greek Dictionary for pikraino

 

[J. Dean]

I think "harshly" is a better, more relevant translation, although "bitter" isnt' a bad one.

 

[Kim G]

After looking at the link above, it seems that bitter can mean harsh, as in "He has dealt bitterly with me." Is that correct?

So when the verse says, husbands, do not be bitter against your wives, it means do not be harsh (which would cause her to be bitter)?

 

[Rich Koster]

In my electronic English dictionary, harsh is the third entry for the word bitter.

 

[Scott1]

Calvin's Commentary
Colossians 3:18-19

18 Wives, be subject. Now follow particular duties, as they are called, 456 which depend on the calling of individuals. In handling these it were superfluous to take up many words, inasmuch as I have already stated in the Epistle to the Ephesians 457 almost everything that was necessary. Here I shall only add briefly such things as are more particularly suited to an exposition of the passage before us.

He commands wives to be subject. This is clear, but what follows is of doubtful signification — as it is fit in the Lord. For some connect it thus — “Be subject in the Lord, as it is fit.” I, however, view it rather differently, — As it is fit in the Lord, that is, according to the appointment of the Lord, so that he confirms the subjection of wives by the authority of God. He requires love on the part of husbands, and that they be not bitter, because there is a danger lest they should abuse their authority in the way of tyranny.

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[py3ak]

Kim, the learned John Davenant in his exhaustive commentary on Colossians says that the bitterness here prohibited shows up in the affections, the words, and the actions. So the words prohibit being easily exasperated and loving lazily. They also prohibit words that are unbecoming to conjugal love - words that are harsh, threatening, or demeaning. They also prohibit tyrannical actions, where the husband treats his wife as a servant: by taking away her domestic authority; when what properly belongs to her needs and station is withheld; and worst of all when there is actual physical violence. He quotes a beautiful remark of Ambrose, that although a man may naturally be rigid, yet he ought to mitigate it [that aspect of his character] by the very contemplation of marriage.

You can read for yourself (highly recommended) here. The link should take you to p.164, where Davenant begins to speak about "be not bitter", but if you want to read his comments on the whole verse, he takes up the command "husbands, love your wives" on p.159. In all there are just over 9 pages, and I think you can't help but be instructed and encouraged by them.

 

[a mere housewife]

That content is especially beautiful in light of Christ's love for us.