I teach my children over and over to "Fear God more than you fear anything else and you will fear nothing else."
I had so many fears when I was a young dad and I think most of my fears came true and yet we are still here and God has been good and always there.
You suffer from unbelief Lee, not the hopeless unbelief but the kind expressed by the fear filled dad in Mark 24: 23 And Jesus said to him, “‘If you can’! All things are possible for one who believes.” 24 Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!”
The father knew that Jesus was very powerful and could effect the change he hoped for but he was yet plagued with fear and question.
We believe in God but do we believe that He really knows our limits? How much we can stand? You must be absolutely honest and transparent about your fears with the Lord. Confess that you doubt Him and that you are ashamed that you doubt Him but nevertheless the doubt paralyzes you. Read the Psalms in which David expresses that same fear. Read of John the Baptist's doubt and how Jesus responded. Your experience is not outside the scope of scripture and God addresses it there.
The circumstances around us will often be discomforting and frightening but Good Friday proves for all time that God is good. God is all wise, all knowing, all seeing in eternity past, present and future. Your life has been ordained, you death day has been ordained and so Jesus reminds us to not fear the one that can destroy the body but the one who owns your soul.
Finally, understand that God has set His preference on you (love), you cannot be plucked from his hand, he cannot for forget, you cannot increase or decrease in favor with God because you are hidden in Christ. This is the perfect love that casts out fear.