Consequences of therapy talk

[arapahoepark]

Let me know if this Link doesn't work.
This could also be aptly titled "problems with therapy and therapy culture" or "reason 10,737 that social media is the bane of civilization."

Gaslighting is just one of the “therapy-speak” terms that couples therapists told me their clients are misusing, typically after seeing descriptions of the ideas on social media. Other common, wrongly applied terms include boundaries, triggered, and trauma bond. Some clients proclaim to their therapist that their partner has obsessive-compulsive disorder, bipolar disorder, autism, or ADHD, even though their partner hasn’t been clinically diagnosed with such a condition.

I've tended to notice this as well with regard to dating and even Christian dating circles. Your alleged 'attachment style' is everything about you and must stem from some childhood trauma that you don't remember. It's oversimplified at best in pop psych circles and meanwhile in academic ones resilience is now more talked about and studied with relation to childhood trauma.

On the flip side, perhaps all these couples are right and now everyone is a narcissist...

 

[TheBoringBaptist]

Apparently, everyone is a narcissist except the one making the accusation.

Although this particularly doesn't relate to therapy, another funny statement I'm beginning to see on comment sections/forums is, "No one is talking about [insert topic]!!!" or the other version, "[insert topic] is happening and no one is talking about it!"

I guess it has to do with the worship of self in our culture.

 

[Ryan&Amber2013]

Yeah for sure. Sometimes people in the church can try to be too culturally relevant. Many years ago when I was in a non-denominational church, it was so apparent how feminist the leaders were. Like a wife could be full of lust for other men, but somehow the husband would be blamed as the one in the wrong for not being affectionate enough to his wife. Just weird cultural stuff influencing the church.

 

[arapahoepark]

Yeah for sure. Sometimes people in the church can try to be too culturally relevant. Many years ago when I was in a non-denominational church, it was so apparent how feminist the leaders were. Like a wife could be full of lust for other men, but somehow the husband would be blamed as the one in the wrong for not being affectionate enough to his wife. Just weird cultural stuff influencing the church.

I've tended to notice that as well. Men are blamed for everything while women aren't, at least in the last decade. Talking to people and friends who attended church before that say it used to be the opposite.

 

[J.L. Allen]

Yeah, but how does that make you feel, Trent?

I've seen a number of marriages break up due to and were justified with this general therapy speak approach. The article makes that point quite well. I think this is important reading for my fellow pastors!

 

[Theoretical]

Let's take the term gaslight for example. X high percentage of people who use that term have never seen the movie/play that it comes from. Or worse, they see it and blindly apply to their own situation or embrace the therapists' description.

Pop Psych-Gaslighting - being in denial that you're saying or doing something hurtful or even just being a sinner in a relationship. It can even be other things and frequently gets projected.

Actual Gaslighting from the movie - Guy murders someone, her niece (the heiress) gets sent to Italy, guy marries the niece years later, starts making up lies about the wife, hires an evil housekeeper to attack and berate her, and actively drives his wife to insanity all to cover up that his crime cover-up activities in the attic are not actually happening (when he turns the lights on there all other lights dim), and so on.

True gaslighting is thoroughly cruel, and the problem with throwing that term around blindly is that once you've applied it to someone, you're saying that they're actively doing malignant, intentional evil against you. Good luck with having a healthy relationship after that, whether it's in a marital context or elsewhere. Even worse, there's also a tendency with therapy speak to excuse or downplay evil reactions to evil actions.

 

[retroGRAD3]

I've seen the movie and sadly I have had people actually gaslight me in real life. It's not a good experience.

 

[Theoretical]

I am sorry. That is quite a cruel thing.

 

[Andrew35]

Pop Psych-Gaslighting - being in denial that you're saying or doing something hurtful or even just being a sinner in a relationship. It can even be other things and frequently gets projected.

I've seen it reduced to 'You disagree with me."