I'm a new college student who's having a hard time adjusting to being uprooted. I'm relatively new to my faith (~2.5 years) and I feel an overwhelming sense of fear.
It all started with a dialogue I had with a Catholic friend. The dialogue died down after a while, but I felt tremendous guilt for not being able to explain the Scriptures well, and for not being able to provide good answers for my friend, who is still very much a committed Catholic.
I still feel guilt sometimes, but it all seems to be a part of this great fear on my part. When my friend and I were discussing, we did most of it through email, and it gave a sense of paranoia that hasn't seemed to go away. After we were done with our discussions the guilt remained, and so did the impulse to "be prepared" for anything that could come my way. I was particularly drawn to a website he directed me to, and where he seems to have gotten the ammunition that made him bold enough to approach me in the first place.
It seems like it isn't even about him anymore, although to some extent it might be. I go on-line and see all these debates that go on and it makes me extremely afraid. There's a lot I don't understand about Scripture, even fundamental things like justification, and I see the rampant unbelief online of people that were once Reformed and turned away to Rome. I'm very scared that one of these days I'm going to run into an argument, or worse, be confronted personally, that I can't answer, and that its going to destroy my faith. This is something that's been consuming me for a month or even more now, and although I'm getting better, I'm still very very scared. I'm scared even to read Scripture, for fear that I'm going to read something and draw some wrong conclusions from it, or that somehow everything I know is wrong, and I just haven't run into the argument that's going to turn everything topsy turvy yet.
Maybe I'm vain. Maybe I'm scared of losing an argument. I'm just not sure. When I first came to faith, I followed whatever Calvin said, and maybe that's what's wrong. I had loose exegetical proofs of things that I believed. Then I got into a situation where I had to discuss Scripture in detail, came up with more vague answers than I was comfortable with, and freaked out. I've been on huge internet reading binges and I have clarified a lot of my thinking on matters, but I still just feel...afraid.
It all started with a dialogue I had with a Catholic friend. The dialogue died down after a while, but I felt tremendous guilt for not being able to explain the Scriptures well, and for not being able to provide good answers for my friend, who is still very much a committed Catholic.
I still feel guilt sometimes, but it all seems to be a part of this great fear on my part. When my friend and I were discussing, we did most of it through email, and it gave a sense of paranoia that hasn't seemed to go away. After we were done with our discussions the guilt remained, and so did the impulse to "be prepared" for anything that could come my way. I was particularly drawn to a website he directed me to, and where he seems to have gotten the ammunition that made him bold enough to approach me in the first place.
It seems like it isn't even about him anymore, although to some extent it might be. I go on-line and see all these debates that go on and it makes me extremely afraid. There's a lot I don't understand about Scripture, even fundamental things like justification, and I see the rampant unbelief online of people that were once Reformed and turned away to Rome. I'm very scared that one of these days I'm going to run into an argument, or worse, be confronted personally, that I can't answer, and that its going to destroy my faith. This is something that's been consuming me for a month or even more now, and although I'm getting better, I'm still very very scared. I'm scared even to read Scripture, for fear that I'm going to read something and draw some wrong conclusions from it, or that somehow everything I know is wrong, and I just haven't run into the argument that's going to turn everything topsy turvy yet.
Maybe I'm vain. Maybe I'm scared of losing an argument. I'm just not sure. When I first came to faith, I followed whatever Calvin said, and maybe that's what's wrong. I had loose exegetical proofs of things that I believed. Then I got into a situation where I had to discuss Scripture in detail, came up with more vague answers than I was comfortable with, and freaked out. I've been on huge internet reading binges and I have clarified a lot of my thinking on matters, but I still just feel...afraid.