Gunning for the Pastor
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Caroline
Puritan Board Sophomore
Aw, come on ... this thread could be a lot of fun if we renamed it 'Gunning for my FORMER pastor (Reasons I am now Reformed)' ...
Worst sermon quote I ever heard ... (and let me emphasize that this was my FORMER church and has NOTHING to do with my current pastor, except insofar as he has heard the story and thought it was hilarious)...
"For my yoke is easy and my burden is light (Matthew 11:30). You see, if an egg is rotten, it is hard to cook and eat it. Jesus is saying that God is like a good egg with a yolk [yoke?] that is easy to eat."
Worst sermon quote I ever heard ... (and let me emphasize that this was my FORMER church and has NOTHING to do with my current pastor, except insofar as he has heard the story and thought it was hilarious)...
"For my yoke is easy and my burden is light (Matthew 11:30). You see, if an egg is rotten, it is hard to cook and eat it. Jesus is saying that God is like a good egg with a yolk [yoke?] that is easy to eat."
SemperEruditio
Puritan Board Junior
Aw, come on ... this thread could be a lot of fun if we renamed it 'Gunning for my FORMER pastor (Reasons I am now Reformed)' ...
Worst sermon quote I ever heard ... (and let me emphasize that this was my FORMER church and has NOTHING to do with my current pastor, except insofar as he has heard the story and thought it was hilarious)...
"For my yoke is easy and my burden is light (Matthew 11:30). You see, if an egg is rotten, it is hard to cook and eat it. Jesus is saying that God is like a good egg with a yolk [yoke?] that is easy to eat."
nicnap
Puritan Board Post-Graduate
"For my yoke is easy and my burden is light (Matthew 11:30). You see, if an egg is rotten, it is hard to cook and eat it. Jesus is saying that God is like a good egg with a yolk [yoke?] that is easy to eat."
Was he kidding? 
JonathanHunt
Puritan Board Senior
"For my yoke is easy and my burden is light (Matthew 11:30). You see, if an egg is rotten, it is hard to cook and eat it. Jesus is saying that God is like a good egg with a yolk [yoke?] that is easy to eat."
This cannot be real? Can it?
Caroline
Puritan Board Sophomore
Yes, it is real. No, he was not kidding. It's the sort of mistake that you get when you combine pastors who have never graduated high school with a church that is KJV-only.
I've got more, but that was the worst one.
#2 on the list is the time a pastor spoke on Matthew 6:22-23: "The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is that darkness!"
He said, "It means that if you really want something (like a new car), think about it and focus only on that every moment. Keep it in the 'eye' of your mind all day. Then your 'eye' will be good, and then you will receive what you want."
Amid all the 'Amens' around me, I looked down at verse 24 (the very next verse): "No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon."
Hmmmmm ... that doesn't seem to support his interpretation, now does it?
Now, if I ever hear a preacher start in on the 'I'm-just-a-humble-guy' routine ... "I've never been to college. Never been to seminary. I don't know any of that fancy Greek and Hebrew ..." I just get the overwhelming urge to shout, "Well, then, sit down and shut up!"
I've got more, but that was the worst one.
#2 on the list is the time a pastor spoke on Matthew 6:22-23: "The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is that darkness!"
He said, "It means that if you really want something (like a new car), think about it and focus only on that every moment. Keep it in the 'eye' of your mind all day. Then your 'eye' will be good, and then you will receive what you want."
Amid all the 'Amens' around me, I looked down at verse 24 (the very next verse): "No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon."
Hmmmmm ... that doesn't seem to support his interpretation, now does it?
Now, if I ever hear a preacher start in on the 'I'm-just-a-humble-guy' routine ... "I've never been to college. Never been to seminary. I don't know any of that fancy Greek and Hebrew ..." I just get the overwhelming urge to shout, "Well, then, sit down and shut up!"
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I just got sick to my stomach. I had no idea the famine of the Word had grown to such proportions. I guess I have my head in the sand.
Knoxienne
Puritan Board Graduate
Aw, come on ... this thread could be a lot of fun if we renamed it 'Gunning for my FORMER pastor (Reasons I am now Reformed)' ...
Worst sermon quote I ever heard ... (and let me emphasize that this was my FORMER church and has NOTHING to do with my current pastor, except insofar as he has heard the story and thought it was hilarious)...
"For my yoke is easy and my burden is light (Matthew 11:30). You see, if an egg is rotten, it is hard to cook and eat it. Jesus is saying that God is like a good egg with a yolk [yoke?] that is easy to eat."
Oh, for Pete's sake!!!
Jake
Puritan Board Senior
I'm not sure if this is what the thread was intended to be about, but as Caroline started, here are some quotes (as best as I remember them) on free will from an SBC church:
"God's foreknowledge of us is like me with my children. I know both of my children and give them all equal opportunity. I know them well enough to know what they're going to do. It's the same way with God. He knows us well enough to know what we're going to do and choose."
"The only way we can give God glory is if we choose Him. If we hadn't chose Him, we'd just be like robots doing whatever God asks and then we wouldn't be able to glorify Him."
"I'm not some Hyper-Calvinist who believes that only the people God has chosen are saved, like some frozen chosen. I don't take any of that hogwash. I believe in a whosoever Gospel! 'For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him, shall not perish, but have everlasting life.' That means that anyone can be saved if they want to be."
"God's foreknowledge of us is like me with my children. I know both of my children and give them all equal opportunity. I know them well enough to know what they're going to do. It's the same way with God. He knows us well enough to know what we're going to do and choose."
"The only way we can give God glory is if we choose Him. If we hadn't chose Him, we'd just be like robots doing whatever God asks and then we wouldn't be able to glorify Him."
"I'm not some Hyper-Calvinist who believes that only the people God has chosen are saved, like some frozen chosen. I don't take any of that hogwash. I believe in a whosoever Gospel! 'For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him, shall not perish, but have everlasting life.' That means that anyone can be saved if they want to be."
Marrow Man
Drunk with Powder
I see from your signature that you are from the Greater Atlanta area. I'll bet you didn't have to "hunt" very far to find these quotes...
JonathanHunt
Puritan Board Senior
I see from your signature that you are from the Greater Atlanta area. I'll bet you didn't have to "hunt" very far to find these quotes...
Hey, hey, don't take my name in vain...
Edward
Puritanboard Commissioner
I could share with you all the time that Jessie Jackson was guest preacher at the UPUSA church I attended while working on a degree. It was back when he was just starting to market Operation PUSH.
He taught me that "I AM somebody"
Putting aside the borderline blasphemy, we had to chant that phrases (changing the emphasized word on occasion) a number of times.
Of course, it was one of the better sermons there...
He taught me that "I AM somebody"
Putting aside the borderline blasphemy, we had to chant that phrases (changing the emphasized word on occasion) a number of times.
Of course, it was one of the better sermons there...
Berean
Puritanboard Commissioner
HAD to? I believe I'd of held my breath before bolting for the exit.
Was "The Reverend" Al Sharpton with him?
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