Shanny01
Puritan Board Freshman
Early in my Christian walk, for several months, I was beset with agonizing lack of assurance as to my salvation. Frankly it was quite a depressing time as I tried to look past the various sinful thoughts that came out of my heart (in an OCD type blasphemous fashion) to Christ as the whole author and perfecter of my faith who had accomplished the righteousness I could not. Thankfully God in his providence delivered me out of such a depressing time. Fast forward 3 years to today and my comprehension of the Christian religion has much enlarged on finding and settling deep within the wells of Puritan and Reformed/Baptist theology. My desire to love God and neighbor much increasing in this time. However the past few days in particular have been troubling. Lately, I've not been able to do many things without feeling an acute sense of sinning in thought and motivation (i.e. reading theology and feeling anxiety/worry that I'm prideful and reading only so I may be made much of). I find that my mind sets on these things and its hard to give up these thoughts. Last night was an obsessing thought I had was like an accusation but ran like "you aren't really repentent and faithful and therefore are not saved". This thought train in particular made me incredibly worried and almost sick to my stomach to hear. The reality that I've been trying to remember is that it is Christ's righteousness that is my only hope, and that of Romans 7 in that all of my life will be vexed by sinful inclinations in even the best of my works.
All to say that advice and prayers would be appreciated.
Thank you!
All to say that advice and prayers would be appreciated.
Thank you!