I found the real Noah's Ark 17 years ago in the back of my freezer. Please don't tell anyone yet. I don't want my home turned into a circus. I'll make it public along with the lost Library of Alexandria (found in my attic) and the lost journals of George Whitefield (found holding up a corner of my couch). When I receive 20,000 dollars in donations (Paypal accepted) I will let the Enquirer and The Weekly World News know that I have them. Til then, please keep a lid on this info.
P.S., my slice of toast with Jesus' face in it turned out to be Willie Nelson. Sorry, my error.