Women leaders

[steadfast7]

Hi all, just wanted your thoughts on something..
I'm attending a non denominational church in Seoul and serving in the childrens ministry. Although I'm a coleader, the defacto head if our department is a woman, from whom I need to take orders including Bible-related and curriculum instructions. Once I relayed a correction on an exegetical matter via email to the teachers and was rebuked for being insensitive to her feelings and told that I should have emailed her personally and have her address the rest of the teachers.

any thoughts? Should I just suck it up and understand that this is an ecumenical setting?

 

[Jack K]

If the elders of the church have put her in charge of such things, you need to defer to her on that. The principle of male headship in the church doesn't mean all women defer to all men all the time. It does mean men take the leadership in teaching and governing matters, and in this case that means your responsibility (and hers) is to follow the leadership of the elders. If they've deemed that this means she's the one to communicate instructions regarding the curriculum, your responsibility is to honor the elders' decision.

Now if she's generally not competent, or if her role has become one that probably ought to be held by an elder, these are issues that may have to be dealt with. In time, you may have a role in that. But in any church, influence of that sort is usually earned over time by people who show they can engage such issues in ways that are humble and respectful of church leaders. Work patienty for change. Be respectful in the meantime.

As for correcting something she distributed without telling her... yeah, most people would think that's insensitive. I have to tell you, I wouldn't do that even to someone who was clearly my underling, just because it tends to make people mad. Unless time was of the essence, I'd always go to the person responsible for the material first, show them the error, and encourage them to put out the correction. It helps them save face.

 

[Wretch67]

Politics my brother...politics.

 

[kvanlaan]

You're dealing more with Korean culture than ecclesiastical governance.

 

[Pergamum]

Are you sure that this is the best church to be sent out from if you desire to return to missions? If you have reservations about this and other things, that might be okay just as a member or temporary attendee, but if you plan on being sent out from them, you ought to very closely agree with them more than you do.

 

[steadfast7]

Thanks for the responses. I agree that the biblical principle is not for all relationships between men and women in the Church. However, this is a case of authority. In terms of authority we are of the same "rank" and the exegetical issue needed to be addressed quickly given time constraints.
The church is egalitarian, so they would be behind their women leaders. My concern was whether this was right, and should be submitted to, even if it was sanctioned by the eldership.

Perg, as it is, there is hardly any prospect of being sent out from Seoul as a foreigner-missionary, but I really no of no other option for now. Do email me if you have ideas.

 

[Jack K]

However, this is a case of authority.

That's the issue, isn't it? How much authority, and what type of authority, requires male leadership? Or elder or deacon leadership? And to what extent may elders and deacons delegate decision making to others who don't have their authority?

You may be right to question how it's done in your church, but your issue is with the elders who sanction it. And you're not likely to get anywhere with them by first circumventing current policy.

I do understand your concern. Many, many times I've have to decide whether or not to speak up about some teaching I observed in a children's program. Concern for the kids comes first, right? So I too have often said something when a matter had to be addressed immediately... even before anyone gave me any church-sanctioned authority to do so.

The trick is to (1) do it graciously, (2) communicate immediately with anyone who may feel their toes are being stepped on, and (3) generally conduct yourself so that you have what the business world calls "personal influence." That's the ability to influence people even though you don't have an official position of influence. It comes from being the kind of guy who, due to how he generally conducts himself, is well-respected.

It isn't easy to pull off. I've failed plenty. But I do suspect it'll be key to your being able to minister effectively in that church and help them.