Married people- thou shalt not facebook?

[lynnie]

Rev. to NJ church leaders: Thou shalt not Facebook | US National Headlines | Comcast.net

This is an AP article so I didn't want to post more than the link.

I don't facebook myself, so I've no experience, but is it really that tempting?

 

[Zenas]

My only girlfriend is now my wife so I have no idea.

 

[SolaScriptura]

I realize that his position seems legalistic. But SO MANY marriages fall apart over Facebook that I find it difficult to be critical of him.
And, folks, I don't buy the whole "well, those were troubled marriages to begin with." Sometimes, sure. But not always. Sometimes trouble starts when folks overly confident in their own ability to be strong are slowly wooed by the deceitful sin that lies within us all.

Do I think I'm strong enough to resist all temptation to cheat on my wife? YES. But I'm also prudent enough to know that it is better to play it safe than sorry... So my wife and I are NOT on Facebook. And I recommend that everyone here follow suit.

 

[Tripel]

Well said, Ben. I agree.

I would never make a blanket statement that FB needs to be avoided, but there is a valid reason to avoid it.

 

[Poimen]

There is definitely some wisdom in his prohibition but, since it violates Christian liberty, I cannot support it. Had he said that he strongly advised his staff to not become members of Facebook, that would be a different matter altogether.

I can see the temptation though: racy pictures, 'anonymous' encounters... to what might they lead I wonder? Many of things can be blocked out (or persons de-friended) but I do like the idea (in the article) of sharing your password with your spouse. Our wives may already have oversight over our web browsing (as mine does with me) but we could make it more effective by sharing more direct access to the sites that we regularly visit.

 

[Brother John]

When my wife and I started a facebook account we created one together. We activated all the privacy settings and even created a name that combined both ours. We just wanted to have it for contact with friends and family so we decided to share it just like our email account. We go out of our way to remove any possibility of hiding anything. We try to keep a completely open book between each other. And others have noticed, my wife has even had an older female relative of hers ask why she would not want to have her own separate accounts. This gave my wife the opportunity to explain why we do it. We also have an internet filter that I have my wife keep the password to just to remove any temptations or accidental exposures. But on the flip side of the coin, even with all this I can still see the negatives of facebook.

 

[Andres]

My wife and I both have facebook accounts, but we both have each others passwords too. I even just stay logged into my FB account so anytime my wife wants, she can look at any and all she wants to. The day I begin to feel I need to hide things from her is the day I will delete my account. We both also leave our separate email accounts logged in on our home computer too. She has complete access to all that also. Do I think my wife regularly checks my emails and FB's? No, but I feel better knowing she can whenever she wants.
I agree with the others and see how it could be tempting and if that is an area one struggles with or is tempted by, then by all means do whatever you need to to avoid it, including not having an account. For my wife and I, it is not a problem so we both have accounts and neither of our consciences is bothered by them.

 

[PuritanCovenanter]

I think he is correct in some of his assessment. I don't have much to worry about. I don't have any old flames. I don't meet up with other women either. I am leery of counseling or seeking to help females for the most part. It tends to bring an emotional attachment that can be disruptive to relationships. I always encourage women to lean on their husbands.

I facebook quite a bit. It has been a great tool in evangelizing and discussing truth. It also keeps me connected with my old friends and Pastor in Va. Beach. It has been a great blessing in my life. I just reconnected with the first Christian brother I ever had because of Facebook. We lived together in the barracks for 3 years while we were in the Navy. We lost contact with each other after he got married in the early 90s. Last Sunday we talked on the phone together for the first time since then. It was a major blessing.

 

[louis_jp]

Sounds silly to me. There is nothing tempting about Facebook. If they've got that big of a problem in their church, then they have bigger issues than a particular website. Washing the outside of the cup isn't going to help.

 

[PuritanCovenanter]

I tend to agree with Louis.

 

[Elizabeth]

I use Facebook, but have only family members and a few women friends on it. It's a fun way to share quick blurbs, but I could def see it being a problem for folks if they are not careful with its use. I know my kids have gotten into a few minor kerfuffles with it.

 

[TimV]

It seems most men have women hanging all over them, or at least ready to pounce. I wish I had that problem. I have (? I think?) a couple hundred friends on FB, half women, probably half married, I talk to lots of them all the time and I've never had one married woman, and only about 3 single women even hint that they'd like to get closer to me.

Must be nice.

 

[Skyler]

Sounds silly to me. There is nothing tempting about Facebook.

Umm.

Seriously?

 

[coramdeo]

This is no longer a problem as the temptresses have been removed!
Facebook Bug Deactivates Women's Accounts En Masse, ID Required to Restore Profiles

 

[Curt]

My wife and I both have FB accounts. I don't have the huge number of "friends" that a lot of folk seem to have. I have reconnected with some "long lost" family members, however. I've never been tempted. Nobody has ever attempted to seduce me. My girlfriend (wife of 42+ years) keeps me busy.

 

[Rich Koster]

In response to the command to delete or resign, I would resign. Not that I believe Facebook is a great thing and we all need it, but that I am against hanging the Pharisees rope. If the leadership has such little integrity to begin with, Facebook isn't the problem. The unqualified leadership is the problem and the use of Facebook for "hook-ups" is only a symptom.

To Titus, [mine] own son after the common faith: Grace, mercy, [and] peace, from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ our Saviour.


Tts 1:5 ¶ For this cause left I thee in Crete, that thou shouldest set in order the things that are wanting, and ordain elders in every city, as I had appointed thee:


Tts 1:6 If any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly.


Tts 1:7 For a bishop must be blameless, as the steward of God; not selfwilled, not soon angry, not given to wine, no striker, not given to filthy lucre;


Tts 1:8 But a lover of hospitality, a lover of good men, sober, just, holy, temperate;


Tts 1:9 Holding fast the faithful word as he hath been taught, that he may be able by sound doctrine both to exhort and to convince the gainsayers.


Tts 1:10 ¶ For there are many unruly and vain talkers and deceivers, specially they of the circumcision:


Tts 1:11 Whose mouths must be stopped, who subvert whole houses, teaching things which they ought not, for filthy lucre's sake.

 

[moral necessity]

The preacher is only to command what has been commanded by Christ and His Word. When one falls short of doing that, or goes beyond that, the elders should present the error before him and pray for his repentance. That said, much caution and warning can and should be preached about placing oneself near the precipice of sin.

Blessings!

 

[Scottish Lass]

My wife and I both have facebook accounts, but we both have each others passwords too. I even just stay logged into my FB account so anytime my wife wants, she can look at any and all she wants to. The day I begin to feel I need to hide things from her is the day I will delete my account. We both also leave our separate email accounts logged in on our home computer too. She has complete access to all that also. Do I think my wife regularly checks my emails and FB's? No, but I feel better knowing she can whenever she wants.
I agree with the others and see how it could be tempting and if that is an area one struggles with or is tempted by, then by all means do whatever you need to to avoid it, including not having an account. For my wife and I, it is not a problem so we both have accounts and neither of our consciences is bothered by them.

 

[Jack K]

I don't facebook myself, so I've no experience, but is it really that tempting?

I haven't found it to be tempting. But it sounds like it is for a significant number of people. My guess is it depends on who your friends are, and how much you participate. I'm on facebook because it's the best way, and in some cases practically the only way, to communicate with some people. It's also nice, now and then, to see what old friends are up to. But I seldom post anything there. I'm just not that into it. And that may explain why I've not been tempted.

 

[Pergamum]

A pastor that lords it over his flock in such a way ought to be kicked out.

he is ordering about 50 married church officials to delete their accounts with the social networking site or resign from their leadership positions.

 

[BJClark]

lynnie;

I don't facebook myself, so I've no experience, but is it really that tempting?

It is apparently that tempting to some folks per the article..

However, I imagine if they had the temptation on FB they probably had issues within their marriage (lack of intimacy, communication ect.) and FB afforded them the opportunity to chat privately with the opposite sex about the problems in their marriage as opposed to seeking counsel, and talking with their spouse about their marital concerns..it doesn't even have to be marital problems they discuss, if they are talking to someone ekse more than they are their spouse..there is a problem..

But those things can happen without facebook, twitter, myspace, ect.; they happen in offices as well --but other type programs that were not mentioned such as skype, or webcam, where voice and video stream can be added could be just as harmful to a marriage if one is not careful to take care of their marriage..

 

[fishingpipe]

My wife and I have separate Facebook accounts, but she rarely uses hers. She reads mine just to keep up with what her family is doing, but I don't think she has ever felt the need to "check what I have been doing." I rarely post on mine, but it is always fun to reconnect with old friends or make new ones. Most of the folks who care to see what I have been up to either read my blog or follow me on Twitter. I use those two much more often.

 

[Semper Fidelis]

I don't facebook myself, so I've no experience, but is it really that tempting?

Not for me. Ironically, about the only reason I use Facebook is to be able to contact some of the younger people in our congregation. Increasingly, younger people don't use e-mail but use Facebook and will often respond via Facebook where they don't check their e-mail often at all.

In fact, I just signed up for Facebook's new messaging app as a way to contact them.

 

[jandrusk]

Saying Facebook is responsible for breaking marriages up is like saying that spoons are responsible for making Rosie O'Donnell fat. I'm being sarcastic, but it's the truth. I think Christians think that removing the medium between the sin and the sinner will fix the problem It will not, they will just find another way to sin. The problem is with the heart as Christ said, ESV: Matthew Chapter 15:18-19: "But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. "For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander." Just like a gun; it can be used for good (saving someone's life from an attempted rape/murder) or as evil (as an instrument for rape/murder).

 

[au5t1n]

The much bigger temptation with Facebook is the temptation to waste time -- speaking from experience.

 

[TimV]

A couple people said stuff about handy communications. I post if I have extra tomatoes. I post if I need labor. My daughter posts to tell me when she'll get home. If anyone isn't an FB friend here, I'm the Tim Vaughan with the honey bee logo. Friend me.

I was thinking about the OP driving today. In the dorms at Uni I had "it" offered to me. I've had a couple lonely housewives make advances over the years on job sites (not very often!) I've heard of lots of marriages breaking up due to people meeting at the office. But facebook? I'm not doubting Ben, but I wonder if it's not a demographic deal coupled with long military absences.

 

[Jack K]

I don't facebook myself, so I've no experience, but is it really that tempting?

Not for me. Ironically, about the only reason I use Facebook is to be able to contact some of the younger people in our congregation. Increasingly, younger people don't use e-mail but use Facebook and will often respond via Facebook where they don't check their e-mail often at all.

In fact, I just signed up for Facebook's new messaging app as a way to contact them.

Same experience here. Without Facebook, I have a hard time getting responses from the teen and college people involved in my ministry area.

The pastor is quoted as citing the fact that many of the infidelities he got wind of somehow involved contact via Facebook. Well, given the widespread use of Facebook I wonder if this is truly unusual. Let's take the experiment back ten years. Would a large percentage of infidelities involve some contact via email? Or take it back 30 years. What percentage of infidelities involved a phone conversation at some point? Should we have outlawed email? Phones?

It may be a logical error to cite the fact that a large number of improper relationships include Facebook contact and conclude from this that Facebook causes the problem. Such relationships always require some form of communication, and Facebook is a very common way to communicate today. I grant that Facebook may have more ability to reunite long-forgotten friends than did the older forms of communication. But before we became such a mobile society, people saw old flames all the time. You gotta learn to deal with that, not hide yourself from the world.

 

[KMK]

From the article:

Miller said he has spoken from the pulpit before about the dangers of Facebook, asking married couples to give each other their passwords to the site.

Is this what the pulpit has come to in America? Perhaps marriages in America are in trouble because so few are using the pulpit for its intended purpose: the Gospel.

 

[Kim G]

Facebook doesn't ruin marriages, sinful people ruin marriages. Of course if you're flirting with your ex on Facebook you might end up cheating (the problem is the flirting, not Facebook, email, text messaging, phone calls, or running into each other at the coffee shop).

My husband and I both have our own accounts. We're both always logged in and cam see each other's profiles. We have nothing to hide. My husband has routinely unfriended coworkers if they have a potty mouth or post inappropriate profile pictures. Our friends are mostly the same people--family, good college friends, and church members. It's the only way for us to all stay in touch. If you can't control the way you use the medium, get rid of it FOR YOURSELF. Don't make others do the same when they don't have a problem with it.

I don't think many people over 25 (myself included) really understand what it's like to grow up in a completely connected society. I feel like I'm thirty years older than my brother who's only six years younger than I am. The PBS Frontline film "Digital Nation" is an interesting watch. FRONTLINE: digital nation - life on the virtual frontier | PBS

 

[FenderPriest]

As stated above, I do not think it is Facebook per se that is the problem. If people want to commit adultery, without listing them, they don't need facebook to accomplish their aim over the internet. Old flames? Sure, but again, I don't think Facebook is the problem. As in all cultural interactions, the thing required is wisdom, love, and self-control. I've never found Facebook to be more tempting than any other situation. Personally, I find it more and more annoying than anything else - why on earth do I care what everybody I've ever met is doing at every moment of their lives? As I've looked at my own heart on the issues and temptations that the internet offers, I find that I am more prone to temptation when I am less satisfied in Christ alone and less grateful for the many gifts he has given me.

I think some good Gospel preaching could set a lot of these issues straight.

All that said, if wisdom for a Christian's life and walk with the Lord means they should cancel their Facebook account, then by all means, do it!.