Married people- thou shalt not facebook?

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Right now, the biggest Facebook conversation going on with me and some of my friends involves discussing our church building expansion and posting pictures of it. Zowie, pretty racy stuff!

Seriously, I think a person's heart is revealed in how they approach Facebook and set up their accounts. Saying you are married and posting very little personal information in the profile is a start; same with turning on all the privacy settings. Also, virtually all of my friends are mature, reformed believers -- except for the attorney general of Virginia (we worked on his campaign, and I doubt seriously if he ever reads anything I post.)

Some people use Facebook as a kind of dating site -- posting lots of personal information, then opening up their profiles to anyone who's trolling. That's trouble! I'd be concerned about any Christian who does this.
 
jandrusk said:
Saying Facebook is responsible for breaking marriages up is like saying that spoons are responsible for making Rosie O'Donnell fat. I'm being sarcastic, but it's the truth. I think Christians think that removing the medium between the sin and the sinner will fix the problem It will not, they will just find another way to sin.
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I don't think anyone on the PB would suggest Facebook itself is responsible for breaking up marriages. We all admit that it is a man's heart that causes him to sin. But it is also important to use caution. While there's nothing inherently wrong with Facebook, it does provide a unique avenue to pursue sin. I'm intrigued by the UK study a year ago finding about 20% of divorces made reference to Facebook. I don't think it was a scientific study, but there's still some validity.

Yes, I know, there are a lot of avenues to sin out there. TV is one such avenue for sin, and I applaud those who have sworn it off...but that's not to say that we all should do the same.

I just think it's naive to simply say that people will "find another way to sin" as if those who have pursued adultery on Facebook would have pursued it another way. That's not necessarily true. That's like saying those who have gotten wrapped up in p0rnography would have done so even without the internet. Not so.

And again, that's NOT to say we should remove everything that provides an opportunity to sin. That would be impossible. We do, however, need to take seriously our fallen state and recognize that none of us is immune to temptation. Facebook will continue to be used as a wholesome tool by many people and a tool for sin by others.
 
Tripel said:
I just think it's naive to simply say that people will "find another way to sin" as if those who have pursued adultery on Facebook would have pursued it another way. That's not necessarily true. That's like saying those who have gotten wrapped up in p0rnography would have done so even without the internet. Not so.
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I disagree. I think this is exactly the case! If a person is unahppy in their marriage and does not have the self-control to honor the commitment to their spouse and to the Lord, then they are going to let their eyes begin to wander and eventually it's going to lead to sin. If they don't have a FB account, then they are going to flirt at the office or with the neighbor and so on. And the p0rn example is the same. For those who partake in that sin, if they don't have internet access they would simply go old school and buy magazines or movies.
 
Andres said:
I disagree. I think this is exactly the case! If a person is unahppy in their marriage and does not have the self-control to honor the commitment to their spouse and to the Lord, then they are going to let their eyes begin to wander and eventually it's going to lead to sin. If they don't have a FB account, then they are going to flirt at the office or with the neighbor and so on. And the p0rn example is the same. For those who partake in that sin, if they don't have internet access they would simply go old school and buy magazines or movies.
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I'm really surprised by your response. I could not disagree more.
You don't have to have an unhappy marriage in order to fall victim to sin. Rather, you just have to be a sinner.
With the example of p0rn, I just can't fathom how you can believe that. The p0rn industry is making billions of dollars it would not have made if it were just relying on magazines and movies. Why do you think p0rnography is such a bigger problem for men today than it was 20 years ago? The internet has made it readily accessible and private. No chance all of the people struggling with it now would be having the same struggle without the internet.
 
Tripel said:
Andres said:
I disagree. I think this is exactly the case! If a person is unahppy in their marriage and does not have the self-control to honor the commitment to their spouse and to the Lord, then they are going to let their eyes begin to wander and eventually it's going to lead to sin. If they don't have a FB account, then they are going to flirt at the office or with the neighbor and so on. And the p0rn example is the same. For those who partake in that sin, if they don't have internet access they would simply go old school and buy magazines or movies.
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I'm really surprised by your response. I could not disagree more.
You don't have to have an unhappy marriage in order to fall victim to sin. Rather, you just have to be a sinner.
With the example of p0rn, I just can't fathom how you can believe that. The p0rn industry is making billions of dollars it would not have made if it were just relying on magazines and movies. Why do you think p0rnography is such a bigger problem for men today than it was 20 years ago? The internet has made it readily accessible and private. No chance all of the people struggling with it now would be having the same struggle without the internet.
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I understand your point about just having to be a sinner to fall into sin, but not every married person cheats on their spouse, even though they are all sinners. Perhaps this is for another thread, but there are people who have certain circumstances, whether internal or external, that make them more susceptible to certain sins. Maybe a pastor or someone who counsels couples would like to weigh in, but I know if I were ever counseling a man and I asked him why he cheated on his wife, I don't think him just saying, "i'm a sinner" would be an acceptable answer. It would be a correct and true answer, but there is more to it than just that.
 
Sounds like a lack of integrity and accountability amongst the leadership. On the other hand I recently deleted a friend because of her trend to make her profile pictures incredibly racy. I would rather not have that in my life at all.
 
As a young (good looking =)) guy, I can honestly say that there is temptation. But there's temptation wherever you go. Whether it be at work, school, grocery shopping, movies, etc. It's a heart issue not a Facebook issue. I mostly use facebook to keep in contact with friends, family, and Reformed friends. There is much good that can be done on facebook. I've made friends on there that I wouldn't have made otherwise. I've gotten to witness to people I wouldn't have had the chance to witness to otherwise. I've also been strengethned by the fellowship you can have with other believers. Facebook is not inherently evil. Man's heart is.
 
I believe there is the possibility of real temptation on Facebook. There is the issue of laziness (as Austin stated), but I have been drawn into lust because of browsing with an unguarded heart and stumbling across (pun?) pictures of girls that weren't vulgar but were sexually attractive nonetheless. The Lord is worthy of my obedience, so I quit Facebook. I didn't want that opportunity anymore.
 
awretchsavedbygrace said:
As a young (good looking =)) guy, I can honestly say that there is temptation.
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As a young and not-so-good-looking guy, I haven't run into any serious temptations on Facebook, either time management or lust-wise. Partly because I don't really use it a whole lot, partly because I'm really careful who I pick as a friend. But I know they're out there and other people have run into them.

In my opinion Facebook is kind of like the rest of the Internet. It's not bad, but bad people put bad things on it. We have to be careful just like with the rest of the world to choose the good and avoid the evil. Banning Facebook is like retreating--giving up that ground to Satan. Instead we need to stand our ground and proactively fight to make everything bring glory to God. Sure, maybe there will be a few casualties--that's why it's called war. Retreat really doesn't reduce casualties in the long run. It demoralizes, for one thing, and it also exposes your back to the enemy. Now, if you're losing people left and right, then there may well be a problem--but it's not because of the battlefield, it's because of the way you're fighting. Remember, God isn't a god of the hills that can be defeated on the plains.
 
If you read the original article, the pastor said that Facebook was particularly problematic because people met up with old boyfriends/girlfriends, started just talking, and then sin got in. I think if I did connect with old boyfriends the first thing I would want to ask is "how's your Mom, how's your sister, did you ever get married and have kids, etc". I can see how easy it would be to go down memory lane with the best of good intentions. Old bonds can reform easily. Like I said I don't do facebook, and I am very happily married and can't picture any problem...but, I can picture if an old boyfriend was single and lonely maybe I could be a snare for him?

That was this pastor's stance- Facebook is more tempting and more of a snare than normal living, because old amorous connections can so easily reform. Once you are close to somebody (maybe you used to kiss and were soul mates) those people are a vulnerable area forever? I never slept around but I have heard that its best to avoid old lovers just because the bond you had was so strong. A lot of folks got saved after a teenage rebellion that was immoral...and meeting up with old flames is tempting?

At least it is something to be aware of, and a less legalistic policy would be no old dates on facebook, as opposed to no people at all?
 
I don't think we can bind people's consciences and forbid them from using facebook, but I do think facebook can be dangerous and wisdom is needed. Of-course it is the heart of man, and not the means used that is evil. But, I will say this much, I have seen married men (including reformed married men) do things on facebook that they would never do in person. I think in some ways fb makes things more casual and opens doors that would otherwise be closed in real life. And what has really disturbed me is how many married men spend so much time chatting with people online (including women) rather than spending time with their wives and families. Even if the content of a relationship is "appropriate", the time spent chatting and exchanging information with other people robs your spouse of time that could be spent with them. I think married people need to guard their hearts in all areas of life, and that includes online relationships. And I don't think only married couples should use caution, I think singles, especially women ought to be very cautious! I appreciate couples that open accounts together or have access to each other's accounts. And I've always appreciated it when a married man that sends me a message, always includes his wife in the message....that is honorable in my opinion!
 
I agree with those who consider Facebook a tool that can be used for good or ill. Just like most other things in the world, there is a beneficial use and that's what my wife and I use it for. Granted, there are dangers enough in becoming addicted to sites like that and wasting a lot of precious time and ignoring your spouse. But the same can be said of forums like this! However, while my wife and I have separate facebook accounts, we've had them since before we were married, and I've never been tempted to be unfaithful because of it. I can see the issue of "reigniting an old flame" argument for avoiding it, but isn't this just common marital sense? Just like you probably ought not go meet an old girlfriend for coffee privately, you shouldn't be starting up an "online relationship" either. Doesn't mean that you can't "befriend" them on facebook--for instance, I still check in on an old high school girlfriend's rapidly growing family. But we need to be sensible about things and have self-control and good judgment. I think a blanket ban is unwarranted. But some people need the discipline. And I disagree that the pastor ought to be kicked out for requiring it. We choose people to shepherd us, we should allow ourselves to be guided by this shepherd's judgment unless their leading us astray. This seems legalistic and unwarranted, but a call for firing is equally over-the-top.
 
"...The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers says 81 percent of its members have used or been faced with evidence plucked from Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and other social networking sites in divorce cases over the last five years...."

I found this statement from the article to be the most interesting.
 
It's funny that people are condemning facebook but not the whole internet in general. If facebook proves to be a temptation through social networking (mostly typed words, not graphic pictures)....then surely (at least for visually stimulated guys) the internet in general is a much bigger tempation:

Amazon.com: p0rn Nation: Conquering America's #1 Addiction (9780802481252): Michael Leahy: Books



Addressing p0rnography Temptation in Your Church | Covenant Eyes Inc.

Protecting Church Leaders from p0rn | YourChurch.net

Straining at a gnat and allowing the big lusty camel to sneak under the tent.
 
austinww said:
The much bigger temptation with Facebook is the temptation to waste time -- speaking from experience.
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This is exactly my problem. Which isn't to make light of it--wasting time is a huge affront to God.
And my facebook is always up (hence my time wasting!) and my husband surfs my page instead of his since I'm more active on it--so we do have those checks in place. Though, the whole password sharing came very naturally and has never been an intentional checkpoint. I admit that I have had my husband change MY password on occasion so I could not log in!

LaurieBluedorn said:
Here's another twist to the story.
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Ick, that made me sick.
 
I've never found Facebook to be tempting in the least, but I guess there are a few safeguards I've put in place for myself without thinking much about it--the first is that I'm careful about who I add as friends, and the second is that I'm quick to "hide" friends from my news feed if they post things I'm uncomfortable with.

I think that password sharing--to Facebook, e-mail accounts, even the Puritanboard :) --ought to be a matter of routine for married people.
 
The problem is not Facebook, but our indwelling sin. BTW, ABC news reported this morning that the pastor that made that pronouncement is being investigated for...uh...moral indiscretions.
 
kevin.carroll said:
The problem is not Facebook, but our indwelling sin. BTW, ABC news reported this morning that the pastor that made that pronouncement is being investigated for...uh...moral indiscretions.
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Sounds like this may have been a case of a guilty conscience? ...at least I hope it was. Sheesh!
 
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