Courtship Difficulty

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Puritan Board Freshman
Hello family. I am in a situation that requires prayer. I have developed an interest in a young woman who is Jewish by background. I see her entering into a saving faith, but today there was an unanticipated backlash. I really should have seen this coming, but it is beginning to clear the registers with her that if Jesus is the messiah, then a lot of people dear to her are either in hell or headed there. She lashed out at me today to the effect "what if it were your Mom headed for hell", or maybe something stronger, I didn't quite catch it. I come from a family of believers, and have often counted myself fortunate that I never had to deal with this on a personal level. Well I do now. I have to hit my knees about this tonight, and would appreciate some support.


Puritan Board Sophomore
I have nothing add that hasn't already been said, but I'll add my voice to the chorus.

DO NOT PURSUE AN UNBELIEVER! Courtship is not a an evangelical exercise.

It's great if her exposure to the Gospel through her acquaintance with you leads her to Christ, but until that time comes, you're unequally yoked and she ought to be off-limits to you.

C. M. Sheffield

Puritan Board Graduate
You appear to be unequally yoked together with an unbeliever. From what you have said, it seems clear she has not yet reckoned with the cost of discipleship. I would recommend you end any romantic involvement with this young lady and seek out someone with an established testimony of faith in Christ.


Puritan Board Freshman
I wouldn't trust any woman who didn't love God before I met her. If she does convert it will be hard to tell if it's genuine or if she just wants to impress you.


Puritanboard Commissioner
I agree with the others counsel here. "Missionary dating" may work out eventually in a few cases here and there, but it is unwise.

I've known several people in their thirties and forties who thought they heard the clock ticking and needed to get married. (I'm thinking of examples of both men and women.) They convinced themselves that their future spouse was a believer, ignoring all kinds of red flags in some cases, and ignoring the advice of Christian friends and family. Turned out that they were wrong, resulting in very unhappy marriages and divorce in some cases. One man I know came to his senses on his honeymoon.


Puritanboard Commissioner
Looks like the bases have been covered. Pray and meditate on the counsel you have received.


Puritan Board Freshman
Right. Don't trust a relationship motivated conversion. OK. I will put some distance between this young woman and myself. I will still try to get on gospel ground with her (and her family hopefully) but I won't get the cart before the horse.


Puritan Board Sophomore
My wife dated an unbeliever and years later ended up marrying him when God, by his grace, saved him from a life of sin and misery. Her friends and family also gave her the wise counsel of not dating an unbeliever. While I agree with that sentiment entirely today, I am so very thankful the Lord used her as the tool in His hand to help bring about my conversion. The first time I heard the gospel was when she invited me to church and the first time I read the Bible was when she gave me her only copy. I share this not to say this dating experience should be normative (it shouldn't), but only that I was that unbeliever at one time.

Jerusalem Blade

Puritan Board Post-Graduate
Daniel, apart from the good counsel given above – I have heard this from Jews before. Some of their loved ones are in hell now, and some living are en route to it. It is a mistake to speak to her as "a Christian", rather than simply bringing Moses and the prophets to her attention. The tack I would take in evangelizing her would be, "Are you not familiar with your Jewish faith, of which, anticipation of Messiah was core?"

A great wrong has been done the Jewish peoples by the renegade and unbelieving rabbinate, sealing them against the knowledge of their Messiah, consigning vast multitudes to eternal Gehenna. From, A Poet Arises In Israel,

I say the rabbis have led my people​
into the curses of Moses​
these past twenty centuries,​
for if we had pleased God​
and were under His sure covenant blessings​
and protection, how is it possible​
we had been spewed from the land​
to be slaughtered and despised​
among the goyim two thousand years​
and to end in the ovens of Hitler?​
The truth is – and only can be! –​
we have followed treasonous leaders​
in betrayal of our King,​
and have reaped their destruction.​
O nation of fools, we,​
to be blinded so long!​
As the prophets foretold,​
the Gentiles came to His light,​
and we followed our teachers​
into darkness​
even unto this blood-filled day!​
Cast off the pretenders​
who have slain our millions
and return to the one Book we are the people of!​

With regard to those Jews living who are dear to her, it may be, were she to come to faith in the Messiah and King of Israel, the LORD might in His mercy grant her to touch the hearts of some of her people. Otherwise they may perish, along with her, if she persists in unbelief. He is a merciful Saviour – she should seek his favor and forgiveness.


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Puritanboard Commissioner
Jewish by background
This suggests that she isn't Orthodox and is likely secular. From observing liberal and non-observant Jews while recieving my higher education, they tended to have the moral standards of liberals in the mainline denominations, but with fewer concerns on the issue of using abortion for contraception. In short, likely not a good influence on you.
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