"How are you?"

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How often do we ask or are asked that very question, and only to reply, or be replied to with "Fine, thank you, how are you?" or "ok, thanks, yourself?"

When I ask that question I truly do wish to know how the person is doing. I asked my son that recently and he replied "fine" and I told him it's wrong to lie. After a small smile he said "ok, I just don't want to talk about it."

I was asked that today, and though I am "fine" it's been very interesting last few days, so I said "do you REALLY wish to know?" I think next time I might actually tell them how I am! I did that once and the person walked away. LOL

So, what do you think about this question, How are you? and the fascade behind it?
 
It has always annoyed me because I know it's seldom meant. I do believe it's meant in church, but I still would prefer if someone just said hello. Maybe I'm just weird though.
 
I hear ya. I think with close friends we should be real, but at work I view this ques as a means of acknowledging another person. I think we need to earn the right to be an ear for people. So, for a person I dont know that well I view it as an ice breaker, but with my friends I would say its is a shallow coversation.
 
Originally posted by Loriann
So, what do you think about this question, How are you? and the fascade behind it?
Click to expand...
A coworker at my first job helped me take that question more seriously. One morning I asked, "How are you", expecting the typical "fine". But, instead he asked me, "Are you just asking or do you really want to know".

Along the same lines as my coworker, when asked, we could always say "How are you? Do you mean emotionally or spiritually?"

Or, we could say, "I'm rejoicing in the blessings of being in Christ, enjoying the peace that surpasses all understanding that comes by..."
 
In one of my workplaces I found that "How are you?" or "How's it going?" had taken the place of saying hello. People weren't asking a question they were just acknowledging you. I would often reply with "hi" or something similar and no one seemed to notice.

I think that the emptiness behind the "how are you" question has been borne out by the fact that people almost never give an honest answer. In my experience everyone I meet is "fine".

[Edited on 6-24-2005 by daveb]
 
I never ask the question. And if I'm asked it, I usually reply with "alright," meaning could be worse, could be better, as that's usually the most accurate answer.
 
I always just reply with "I was better but I got over it." or "Better than I deserve." That usually gets a laugh or a funny look.
 
I think we have to come to the realization that this question is simply a greeting, nothing more. A lot of cultures have their greetings/acknowledgments that aren't meant to be taking literally. For instance, in Japan, when you meet someone they say, "You'll have to come to my house for dinner." Meaningless. Its simply a polite expression and you're not suppose to think anything of it.

As insulting as it is to be asked a question about your personal well being when the other party has no interest in the answer, I've learned to see it for what it is and no longer become frustrated with it.

I guess there are different ways to inflect the question when you really mean it, like with a friend or in church or something like that.
 
On the other hand, while we as christians are not to lie, i don't think that means giving full and complete disclosure to every question we answer. I mean in terms of quantity of information, not truthfulness. Sometimes how we are going is private and i don't think we are necessarily caught between having to disclose that to someone who asked 'how and you' ( and how probably isn't really interested anyway ) and having to say something like ' i don't want to say'.

In any case, as a christian, having been redeemed by God, then with the right mindset, i don't think i would ever be a lie to answer 'fine' regardless of the situation...
 
Sometimes at work upon first seeing someone in the morning I ask, "How are ya doin'?" and many times I get the reply, "I'm doin' good." So I then ask, "What good are you doin'?" They aren't usually sure what to say. :)

I usually just say "good morning" or "hello" though because I don't really like getting into questions on Mondays like "How was your weekend?" I really don't want to talk too much about my weekend especially when it's just a regular ole weekend.
 
People generally do not want to hear about one's problems. They ask as a simple courtesy with the expectation that everything is fine.... and that should always be your reply as a humble Christian. The secular world does not care about you, nor should you spout off all your miseries (this is a false witness).

Family is another story all together because there should be legitimate concern. Close friends and the church should be in the same category.

Although a nice question, people do not really care about your problems. This is analogous to people not being really interested in other people's children. They care about their own but really don't like yours (nor want to be inconvenienced by them).

"How are you?" is a simple, courteous greeting. Again, your reply is "I'm doing just great"... no matter how miserable you are. You may even return the question and get more than you bargained for (may be a good opportunity to share).
 
Originally posted by Loriann
How often do we ask or are asked that very question, and only to reply, or be replied to with "Fine, thank you, how are you?" or "ok, thanks, yourself?"

When I ask that question I truly do wish to know how the person is doing. I asked my son that recently and he replied "fine" and I told him it's wrong to lie. After a small smile he said "ok, I just don't want to talk about it."

I was asked that today, and though I am "fine" it's been very interesting last few days, so I said "do you REALLY wish to know?" I think next time I might actually tell them how I am! I did that once and the person walked away. LOL

So, what do you think about this question, How are you? and the fascade behind it?
Click to expand...

Originally posted by houseparent
It has always annoyed me because I know it's seldom meant. I do believe it's meant in church, but I still would prefer if someone just said hello. Maybe I'm just weird though.
Click to expand...

Well--- When people ask me how I am, and I respond "okay," "fair" or "alright"... I usually get berated by inquisitive questions "You're just okay?" as if I can be forced to be happier by being convinced that I should be happy... So, I choose not to split hairs over superficial conversation... I just tell people what they want to hear when they ask superficial meaningless questions. Life is full of superficial things... meaningless conversation. Also, the pecularities and superflous nature of women tops the cake of superficiality. Most are obsessed with vanity and they're whole persona is one big facade.
 
This raises the larger question of what constitutes good manners. I like the simple principle alluded to here. We are to be sincere in our questions and answers and greetings with others. Yet it is not necessary to give everyone a full accounting of our innermost thoughts when asked how we are doing. Context is important. Some people really want to know and some people are really private. There is social convention and there is the duty to love one another. How that works out in our greetings and preliminary conversations is something that each of us has to work out in our own situations to the glory of God.
 
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