I Laughed When I Read This

[bookslover]

"Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing that it's only Tuesday."

 

[Wayne]

or this, from an ad seen recently :

"It's not often that I want a Chik-Fil-A, but when I do, it's Sunday."

(I'm still not sure how to take that)

 

[Galatians220]

I saw this online today:

"I'm paranoid and NEEDY. I know people are talking about me, but just not enough."

 

[Marrow Man]

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean people really aren't out to get you.

 

[Wayne]

Bumper sticker recently seen:

"Will work for hundreds of thousands of dollars."

 

[Gforce9]

I saw an aspiring musician in downtown Chicago with a sign that said "Family killed by pigeons. Need money to purchase gun to kill pigeons".

 

[Reformedfellow]

Dr.Voddie Baucham to his wife (regarding divorce);
"If you leave me, I'm going with you".

 

[a mere housewife]

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean people really aren't out to get you.

I was afraid of that. Back to wearing the false eyebrows and mustachios and trench coat and buffalo slippers and moose antlers to the grocery store . . .

 

[Wayne]

My advice from experience -- Lose the false eyebrows. They attract too much attention.

 

[Pilgrim Standard]

"We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police."

"A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it."

 

[a mere housewife]

My advice from experience -- Lose the false eyebrows. They attract too much attention.

Wayne, I always appreciate experienced advice in blending in with the rest of the trench coated buffalo slippered masses. Of course, that is only a light summer disguise. Winter conditions require more layering. In some parts of the country, or when staying incognito in any hotel with a swimming pool, inconspicuously incorporating an inflatable life raft into some aspect of apparel (such as headgear: you could get one of those large brimmed hats with clusters of fruit, and an inflatable life raft) is wise.

At the same time I'm afraid to follow your advice because I'm afraid you're out to get me. And just because I'm afraid of that doesn't mean it isn't true.

 

[arapahoepark]

Not to start a political debate but I think this would be the same thing from a religiously conservative/religiously liberal stance, but I found this on a car bumpsticker:

Annoy a liberal: Work hard. succeed, be happy.

 

[CuriousNdenver]

My advice from experience -- Lose the false eyebrows. They attract too much attention.

Wayne, I always appreciate experienced advice in blending in with the rest of the trench coated buffalo slippered masses. Of course, that is only a light summer disguise. Winter conditions require more layering. In some parts of the country, or when staying incognito in any hotel with a swimming pool, inconspicuously incorporating an inflatable life raft into some aspect of apparel (such as headgear: you could get one of those large brimmed hats with clusters of fruit, and an inflatable life raft) is wise.

At the same time I'm afraid to follow your advice because I'm afraid you're out to get me. And just because I'm afraid of that doesn't mean it isn't true.

One has to be very careful when using the false eyebrows and mustachio not to betray mannerisms: someone may recognize the lift of your brow!

 

[Galatians220]

My advice from experience -- Lose the false eyebrows. They attract too much attention.

There ya go! Not to mention that false eyebrows evoke Groucho Marx and therefore, would be less than, shall we say, "fetching" on a woman...

 

[py3ak]

Oh, it was those eyebrows that first attracted me to Heidi.

 

[bookslover]

Another favorite:

"I carry a gun four days a week. You guess which days."

 

[Galatians220]

Oh, it was those eyebrows that first attracted me to Heidi.

I would imagine that not even the whole "Groucho gear" would make Heidi less than fetching, for she shines from the inside and from the outside!

 

[py3ak]

I think I would have drawn the line at a moustache.

 

[Wayne]

Even Groucho drew the line at a mustache. His was drawn on, in fact.

 

[J. Dean]

"I tried being a vegetarian once. That was the longest three hours of my life."

 

[littlepeople]

I have gone to find myself. If you see me before I get back, keep me here.