Irish Humor
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An Italian, German, and a frenchman are construction workers are having lunch on the 55th floor.
Italian says, If I get another salame sandwich tomorrow, Isa gonna jump off and kill myself
German says, If I getz another polish sausage, I going kerplat
frenchy says, If I have another monte christo, I'm jumping off.
the next day
the Italian is happy with his meatball sub
the german's happy with bratwurst and pancakes
but frenchy has a monte christo, so he jumps off and splatters on the cement
the italian says I just don't understanda, our wives maka our lunches but he makes hissa own.
Italian says, If I get another salame sandwich tomorrow, Isa gonna jump off and kill myself
German says, If I getz another polish sausage, I going kerplat
frenchy says, If I have another monte christo, I'm jumping off.
the next day
the Italian is happy with his meatball sub
the german's happy with bratwurst and pancakes
but frenchy has a monte christo, so he jumps off and splatters on the cement
the italian says I just don't understanda, our wives maka our lunches but he makes hissa own.
An american, a russian, and a frenchman are sitting at a bar talking about space.
the russian says, we're the best, we put the sputnik in space, the first man in space, etc
the American says no way, we landed on the moon, you haven't even gone their yet.
they go back and forth. finally they ask the frenchman what they're going to do.
He says, We're going to be the first on the sun.
The others start laughing, You can't land on the sun you'll burn up before you get there.
No we won't cause we're gonna land at night.
the russian says, we're the best, we put the sputnik in space, the first man in space, etc
the American says no way, we landed on the moon, you haven't even gone their yet.
they go back and forth. finally they ask the frenchman what they're going to do.
He says, We're going to be the first on the sun.
The others start laughing, You can't land on the sun you'll burn up before you get there.
No we won't cause we're gonna land at night.
Get out of the way so we can see it.
Ivan
Pastor
I went to the Web to get a better look. I like the contrast of light in the painting. Here's a link. You may have to copy and paste.
http://www.vision.org/jrnl/9901/jerufire.html
[Edited on 12-6-2004 by Ivan]
LawrenceU
Puritan Board Doctor
Three Admirals were walking along the pier one day at a rendevous of square-rigged ships: American, French and British. They were discussing the bravery of their sailors. The American said with no hesitation, ' Our sailors are brave beyond compare. They have kept both your nations from speaking German, twice.' He then orders a soldier to climb the ratlines of the ship, blindfolded, cross the yard arm, and climb down. The sailor complies without delay. The French and British admiral stand amazed.
The French Admiral, not to be outdone, orders one of his sailors to go aloft and then to walk the yardarm out and back. The sailor does as ordered, slips and falls to his death. Both the American and British admirals admit that the French soldier was very brave, but not very nimble.
The British Admiral then orders one of his sailors aloft, blindfolded. The sailor goes aloft and stands ready to receive his order. The admiral then calls to him to jump to the deck. The sailor rips off his blindfold and yells, 'You're are bl**dy fool!!' And promptly climbs down. The British admiral turns and declares boldly, 'Now, THAT is bravery.!
The French Admiral, not to be outdone, orders one of his sailors to go aloft and then to walk the yardarm out and back. The sailor does as ordered, slips and falls to his death. Both the American and British admirals admit that the French soldier was very brave, but not very nimble.
The British Admiral then orders one of his sailors aloft, blindfolded. The sailor goes aloft and stands ready to receive his order. The admiral then calls to him to jump to the deck. The sailor rips off his blindfold and yells, 'You're are bl**dy fool!!' And promptly climbs down. The British admiral turns and declares boldly, 'Now, THAT is bravery.!
FrozenChosen
Puritan Board Freshman
Lawrence, that's hilarious!
If you haven't done it yet, go to www.google.com and type in "french military victories" and CLICK the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button. A neat little Internet Joke. Probably my favorite.
If you haven't done it yet, go to www.google.com and type in "french military victories" and CLICK the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button. A neat little Internet Joke. Probably my favorite.
A few French jokes 
Paris - April 8, 2004 - French Interior Minister Jean-Pierre Lafontaine announced today that, due to the recent terrorist bombings in Spain, France's Terror Alert Level has been raised from "Run" to "Hide." Mr. Lafontaine further added that if the bombings continue, the Terror Alert Level would be increased to "Surrender and collaborate."
What do you call a bunch of French men with their arms held in the air? A: The French Army
How fast do French tanks go? ...it depends on how fast you push them
How many jokes are there about the French? A: One, the rest are true
Paris - April 8, 2004 - French Interior Minister Jean-Pierre Lafontaine announced today that, due to the recent terrorist bombings in Spain, France's Terror Alert Level has been raised from "Run" to "Hide." Mr. Lafontaine further added that if the bombings continue, the Terror Alert Level would be increased to "Surrender and collaborate."
What do you call a bunch of French men with their arms held in the air? A: The French Army
How fast do French tanks go? ...it depends on how fast you push them
How many jokes are there about the French? A: One, the rest are true
Even google doesn't mess around with the Facts do they?
VirginiaHuguenot
Puritanboard Librarian
In heaven the English are the police, the French are the lovers, the Germans are the mechanics, the Italians are the cooks and vintners, and the Swiss run everything.
In hell, the English are the cooks and vintners, the French are the mechanics, the Germans are the police, the Swiss are the lovers, and the Italians run everything.
Cited in Drinking With Calvin and Luther by Jim West
In hell, the English are the cooks and vintners, the French are the mechanics, the Germans are the police, the Swiss are the lovers, and the Italians run everything.
Cited in Drinking With Calvin and Luther by Jim West
I'm going to purgatory then.
A group of congressman and senators and their staff were on a bus trip.
As they were traveling on a country road that night a cow was in the middle of the road. The bus swerved off the road and ran into a tree.
The FBI came across the bus the next day and didn't find a soul. They went to the local farmer who told them that he buried them all that night.
The investorgator was shocked. They're all dead
farmer replied Well some of them said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie.
As they were traveling on a country road that night a cow was in the middle of the road. The bus swerved off the road and ran into a tree.
The FBI came across the bus the next day and didn't find a soul. They went to the local farmer who told them that he buried them all that night.
The investorgator was shocked. They're all dead
farmer replied Well some of them said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie.
VirginiaHuguenot
Puritanboard Librarian
A young Irishman sat at a pub in the New World drinking beer and conversin' with the barkeep. Another comes in and sits besides him. He says how you do and hears the lilt and says you be Irish? Yes I am. The first man yells barkeep give us another round and one for my friend here he's from the mother country as well. The second man asks-so where in the old country ye from. Dublin responds the first. Dublin you say - so am I and the second man hollers barkeep bring us another round and a shot of your best Irish Whiskey for me and my friend here. Afterwards the first man asks from where in Dublin and the second man responds with the street and the first man says well I'll be - so am I and yells barkeep another pair of beers and Irish Whiskey for the pair of us. The phone behind the bar rings and the barkeep answers it. The owner of the pub asks - how is business. The barkeep responds - not too bad - The O'Malley twins are here getting drunk again.
RamistThomist
Puritanboard Assessor
That is hilarious! Irish Jokes are the best. And I be Irish
Me Died Blue
Puritan Board Post-Graduate
Drunkenness is bad, but still...Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down
when he saw him. Murphy had never been seen in church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught Murphy and said, "Murphy, I am so glad you
decided to come to Mass. What made you come to! day?" Murphy said, "I
got to be honest with you, Father. A while back I misplaced my hat and
I really, really love that hat. I knew that McGlynn had one just like
mine and I knew that McGlynn came to church every Sunday. I also knew
that McGlynn had to take his hat off during Mass and I figured he would
leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after
Communion and steal McGlynn's hat." The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I
notice that you didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"
Murphy said, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the Ten Commandments,
I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat." The priest gave
Murphy a big smile and said, "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not
Steal' you decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in
Hell, right?" Murphy shook his head and said, "No, Father, after you
talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery'
I remembered where I left my hat."
when he saw him. Murphy had never been seen in church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught Murphy and said, "Murphy, I am so glad you
decided to come to Mass. What made you come to! day?" Murphy said, "I
got to be honest with you, Father. A while back I misplaced my hat and
I really, really love that hat. I knew that McGlynn had one just like
mine and I knew that McGlynn came to church every Sunday. I also knew
that McGlynn had to take his hat off during Mass and I figured he would
leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after
Communion and steal McGlynn's hat." The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I
notice that you didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"
Murphy said, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the Ten Commandments,
I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat." The priest gave
Murphy a big smile and said, "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not
Steal' you decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in
Hell, right?" Murphy shook his head and said, "No, Father, after you
talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery'
I remembered where I left my hat."
Irishcat922
Puritan Board Sophomore
An Irishman goes into a bar and orders three beers, he takes a sip out of each beer from left to right, he does this until he finishes all three beers. The bartender asks, "friend what are you doing?" the man says "me and my brothers always use to drink a beer together on Saturday nights, my older brother now lives in America, and me younger brother lives in Australia so I have decided to keep the tradition by drinking a beer for each of us." The next saturday the man comes in but only orders two beers, and the bartender says, " I'm sorry friend did one of your brother's die" The man says, "Oh no, I quit drinking."
A Frenchman came to America and a street vendor showed him a knife and said "do you want this knife"
so the frenchman gave him his wallet, the clothes he was wearing, and the keys to his car.
Moral: The french will surrender under any circumstances even when they don't have to.
so the frenchman gave him his wallet, the clothes he was wearing, and the keys to his car.
Moral: The french will surrender under any circumstances even when they don't have to.
turmeric
Megerator
Haven't read the whole thread, hope this isn't a repeat!
An English construction boss is asked for a job by an Irishman. He says "You dumb (insert Irish racial slur here)! You wouln't know a joist from a girder!" The Irishman says "I do too, one wrote Ulysses and the other wrote Faust!"
An English construction boss is asked for a job by an Irishman. He says "You dumb (insert Irish racial slur here)! You wouln't know a joist from a girder!" The Irishman says "I do too, one wrote Ulysses and the other wrote Faust!"
Puritanhead
Puritan Board Professor
Ethnic Jokes should always be at the expense of the French
Since the Huguenots left... there is scarcely anything redeemable in France except Parisan architecture and little chateaus.
"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes."
--Mark Twain
"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
--General George S. Patton
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."
--Norman Schwartzkopf
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"
--Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
--Rush Limbaugh
Since the Huguenots left... there is scarcely anything redeemable in France except Parisan architecture and little chateaus.
"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes."
--Mark Twain
"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
--General George S. Patton
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."
--Norman Schwartzkopf
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"
--Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
--Rush Limbaugh
Average Joey
Puritan Board Junior
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