Keeping Commitments question

[Christopherbygrace]

Myself and a lady are having a discussion on the subject of commitments in the context of making plans and setting aside plans for your spouse.

My point was that, if no plans are made, and on any given day a friend asks for your time as well as your spouse, you would be inclined to consider her first, however, on a second instance, if you made prior plans with someone prior to that day, and then on the day your spouse expects you to change your plans to do something with her, you should still be bound by that commitment to your friend on the basis that Christians should honor their commitments with actions.

She disagrees, however, and still believes that the husband should drop his prior plans on the day if she wants to do something with him.

Anyone else chip in with any views?

 

[SolaScriptura]

Here are some guiding principles:

1. Communication is key.
2. It is unwise and inconsiderate for a married person to make plans with someone else without discussing it with their spouse.
3. Once plans are made with someone, assuming they were made with the awareness of your spouse, they should be kept unless something of extreme importance comes up.
4. If you neglected to communicate plans with your spouse and your spouse then brings up something that he/she wants to do, I think in that case you should talk it over with your spouse and if your spouse is adamant, then you own up to the folly of not first communicating with your spouse before you committed and give deference to your spouse and tell the other person, "sorry, I committed prematurely."

Remember, marriage is the merging of two lives into one, not the mere cohabitation of individuals. Communicate and show deference where possible. However, sometimes (actually, more often than some would like to think) the one spouse (in my experience usually the husband) will communicate and get the "nod of approval" from his wife, but then at the last minute, in a move to feel important or influential or in control - sometimes for herself, sometimes to send a message, she has a fit and insists he cancel plans to spend time with her. That's a different situation and one in which I am less likely to be tolerant.

 

[Christopherbygrace]

I agree with that, brother. In the event that plans were not shared with your spouse, it would entirely be the fault of the person making that commitment in the first place, to which, yes, you would have to apologise for your folly.

You pretty much nailed it with the last statement; let us assume that she knows about the prior commitment, agreed to it, and then at the last moment, or on the day itself, expected it to be dropped for plans with her (not plans of an urgent or emergency nature).

Cohabitation is certainly not something I would seek towards. We're trying to think as one, in everything we do, considering one another in all decisions.

 

[Rich Koster]

Good advice, Ben. A little rabbit trail expansion on #2: Never put your spouse on the spot by asking them about doing something in front of others.

 

[SolaScriptura]

Good advice, Ben. A little rabbit trail expansion on #2: Never put your spouse on the spot by asking them about doing something in front of others.

Very good advice... A "yes" or "ok" elicited in this way can foreseeably turn into a "no, you jerk!" as soon as you are alone...

 

[Gage Browning]

Good advice, Ben. A little rabbit trail expansion on #2: Never put your spouse on the spot by asking them about doing something in front of others.

Very good advice... A "yes" or "ok" elicited in this way can foreseeably turn into a "no, you jerk!" as soon as you are alone...