First of all, I think there are both men and women turned off by church. I just think there are more men than women.
Secondly, I think it is "church-growth strategies" that have repelled quite a few relatively Godly people.
Church growth strategy #1 - "Teddy Bear" God
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Many churches seem to try to portray God in a really nice "George Burns" type of way.
In 1992, when I first started going to church again, I was told repeatedly that God would never do anything to hurt anyone. Satan is the only one who actually harms in this age.
Then, I would read about how God sent an evil spirit after Saul. Then, I read about how God hardened the Pharaoh's heart to his determent.
One Christian leader told me that I did not really understand what I was reading about the Pharaoh. God would never harden a person's heart.
This type of teaching does 3 things:
- it confuses people who actually read the Bible
- it weakens proper fear of the Lord
- it makes God look rather weak, and Satan look relatively strong
All these things tend to obscure the Truth, and thereby weaken church-bounds.
Ironically, I suspect churches drive away Godly people by the very way they try to attract them.
2) Church-growth strategy #2: False forgiveness
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Proper forgiveness is crucial.
What I have seen repeatedly is bogus forgiveness.
Example:
I am 100 pounds overweight because my father did show proper attention to me as a child. Therefore, I will forgive my father for not showing proper attention and causing me to find love in all the wrong places - such as chocolate ice cream.
(I know how bogus this appears.)
False forgiveness has 2 effects:
- it does not allow Christians to properly repent of their sins
- it creates an anti-father and anti-male environment in the church.
I have seen a number of "church leaders" who seem to be constantly criticizing men, including myself. This tends to drive men - and women - from church. It also dishonours fathers.
(I know how politically incorrect this sounds.)