Need Advice for Daily Living

[Ryan&Amber2013]

I've really been thinking about this lately, and it affects a lot of areas of my life:

Should Christians be aggressive, blunt, not letting people walk on them, etc., when dealing in the world? I keep seeing Christians act almost aggressively in the world, and then talk about how it is good, but for some reason my conscience won't let me go there. When I say aggressive, here's what I mean: We were wronged today by another business, so my Christian friend called them up, and in a blunt tone, was just like "can I speak to your manager", and told him we are tired of these things happening, etc. The point was gotten across very directly, and then the other business apologized for the wrong. Now, if it weren't addressed that way, I'm sure the worldly business would have still been okay with wronging us. But as Christians, should we even go that route in order that people will respect us and not walk on us? In the letter to the Hebrews, we are told that their goods were plundered and they were okay with it. Jesus tells us to turn the other cheek, and give the cloak as well. And Paul says "why not just be wronged, but rather, we seek revenge." Now I know we have to draw the line somewhere, but where? I naturally have an easy-going and peaceful personality, so it is hard for me to be blunt and aggressive with people.

Thank you so much for your help.

 

[VictorBravo]

The question is were you wronged because you were a Christian, or just a run-of-the-mill wrong? The passages you cited deal with Christians being persecuted because they were Christian.

Paul was pretty blunt when he needed to be, and even invoked his rights under Roman law in Acts 25.

Act 25:8 While he answered for himself, Neither against the law of the Jews, neither against the temple, nor yet against Caesar, have I offended any thing at all.
Act 25:9 But Festus, willing to do the Jews a pleasure, answered Paul, and said, Wilt thou go up to Jerusalem, and there be judged of these things before me?
Act 25:10 Then said Paul, I stand at Caesar's judgment seat, where I ought to be judged: to the Jews have I done no wrong, as thou very well knowest.
Act 25:11 For if I be an offender, or have committed any thing worthy of death, I refuse not to die: but if there be none of these things whereof these accuse me, no man may deliver me unto them. I appeal unto Caesar.

I think a Christian can graciously protest a wrong done to him. One does not need to be a brawler or even to be rude in getting the point across. In fact, I think it is a very effective witness to address the facts in a Godly way without threats or bluster. You might even gain a brother, as it were.

 

[Andres]

There's nothing wrong with being assertive, especially when wronged. I do think Christians should stand up for what is right/just. Obviously some people are naturally more assertive than others, but of course a Christian would never want to sin in their assertiveness, such as cussing at someone or threatening, etc. Even our standing up for ourselves can be done charitably.

 

[timfost]

I think most Christians (including myself) should always keep this in mind:

"Blessed are the meek, For they shall inherit the earth." (Matt. 5:5)

 

[ZackF]

I've really been thinking about this lately, and it affects a lot of areas of my life:

Should Christians be aggressive, blunt, not letting people walk on them, etc., when dealing in the world? I keep seeing Christians act almost aggressively in the world, and then talk about how it is good, but for some reason my conscience won't let me go there. When I say aggressive, here's what I mean: We were wronged today by another business, so my Christian friend called them up, and in a blunt tone, was just like "can I speak to your manager", and told him we are tired of these things happening, etc. The point was gotten across very directly, and then the other business apologized for the wrong. Now, if it weren't addressed that way, I'm sure the worldly business would have still been okay with wronging us. But as Christians, should we even go that route in order that people will respect us and not walk on us? In the letter to the Hebrews, we are told that their goods were plundered and they were okay with it. Jesus tells us to turn the other cheek, and give the cloak as well. And Paul says "why not just be wronged, but rather, we seek revenge." Now I know we have to draw the line somewhere, but where? I naturally have an easy-going and peaceful personality, so it is hard for me to be blunt and aggressive with people.

Thank you so much for your help.

There is nothing wrong with pointing out an error or failure to comply with an agreement. To not do so would be an injustice to your employer. I imagine he doesn't pay you to let him get ripped off. For a Christian it is about not letting the ends justifying the means.

 

[Ryan&Amber2013]

Thanks for the replies.

So it seems that you guys all agree that it is healthy to let people know when they have wronged us. Should we do it in a way that says "I'm not going to let you walk over me"? Should our tone be assertive and aggressive? Should we phrase something like "Do you think my car will be ready for pick up tomorrow?" or would we say "I'm going to pick up the car tomorrow, what time will you have it ready?" Would we say "You may have broken this, who is going to be responsible for fixing it?", or would we say "You broke this, now you are definitely going to fix it?" (No need to answer the individual questions)

People at work tend to say I'm too easy going, but I tend to think they are too aggressive with matters that aren't too important. I just really desire peace, so when I hear others quickly causing tension, it disturbs me.

I'm not sure if I need to change or what.

 

[Edward]

Should our tone be assertive and aggressive?

Depends on the circumstances. But if you start nice, and have to keep on escalating, you risk letting it get out of control. Sometimes it's best to swat the mule with a 2x4 to get its attention, and then back off a bit. But first, I generally invite the other person to correct any misunderstandings that I may have. It also gives me a chance to figure out what misunderstandings they may have. Identifying the real issue can move you toward a solution.

 

[py3ak]

I don't think assertive is the same as aggressive. People sometimes use them interchangeably, but aggressive can evoke a desire for dominance, an attitude of competition.

Assertiveness is not a stand-alone virtue that is always good no matter what. If it is joined with charity, humility, patience, and a good appreciation of our calling and station then it can certainly be an asset. But absent meekness and wisdom, assertiveness would mostly seem to magnify the pain and discomfort people cause.

 

[Miss Marple]

I think you should carefully determine if a wrong needs to be righted. If so, then kindly communicate it.

I don't see where we need to use an angry tone or words or stance.

If the wrong is simply of a personal insult, I'd overlook it.

But to uphold honesty in business dealings is godly, so much as it is up to you.

If we all "assert" ourselves to keep business dealings on the straight and narrow, we help our brother. If we tolerate abuses we encourage abuse of others as well as ourselves.

It is wrong to seek revenge, but it is not wrong to seek justice.

 

[Cymro]

"Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord."