As you know, Steve Rafalsky, I try to be very gentle with men pastoring in areas where there are virtually no Reformed churches of any type. Sovereign grace is more important than either church polity or baptism. I want to see more Reformed churches, and in very difficult settings, that means keeping secondaries secondary.
However, what you did (or more precisely, what your wife did) is something I could not do. I leave that to the conscience of the brothers and sisters involved. A case can be made, and has been made, by Reformed people that Roman Catholic baptism, and by extension, Eastern Orthodox baptism, is invalid. I do not agree. But because there are people in the Reformed world who DO make that case, I need to be careful not to follow some of the extreme people in the Reformed world who elevate every article and point of doctrine to the highest place on which all dissent is not just error but heresy. Your specific situation is complicated enough that I don't presume to tell others what to do, only to say that I could not do it.
Some questions I would ask should I ever be in your situation:
1. A Reformed Baptist church asking a paedobaptist man to be their pastor normally requires approval of his call by the presbytery. This situation is problematic enough, due to the inevitable problems that will arise, that the advice of brothers needs to be asked in advance no matter what someone's views may be on church government and presbyterian polity. For ordained ministers in most, perhaps all, of the Presbyterian denominations in NAPARC, consent of their presbytery would need to be sought and obtained with serious prior discussion. Same for the consistories of most, perhaps all, of the "continental Reformed" (read Dutch Reformed plus the Germans in the RCUS) denominations in NAPARC. I cannot imagine an OPC presbytery allowing this, but there are probably some PCA presbyteries that would. If a man has presented this case to his presbytery and the brothers in supervision over him say, "This is a hard case but we leave this to your conscience," or "Go ahead, that's fine," the man has done what he needs to do by submitting to the counsel of his brothers in the faith and specifically those with authority over him.
2. If the Reformed Baptist church has brought a ruling elder of Presbyterian/Reformed convictions into leadership in their church, the formalities of approval of the terms of call by the presbytery or local consistory, and the man remaining a member of and under the authority of his presbytery/consistory, may not apply. But I know that if I allowed my wife to be rebaptized, almost any confessional and conservative church I know that adheres to the Three Forms of Unity would say I am forever barred from ever holding any church office or teaching role again.
It's not relevant to your situation, but my wife was baptized as an adult following profession in a Korean Presbyterian church -- her mother was converted some years after her birth, her father was not converted until she was in graduate school, so she was not baptized as a baby and needed to be baptized following profession, and that means some but not all Baptist churches would accept her baptism though it was not by full immersion. That means if I were ever in your situation, the Reformed Baptist church would likely accept my wife into membership but not me. I suppose if there were a Reformed Baptist church somewhere that would permit me to remain a member of a church that baptizes babies while serving in their leadership, I might consider the situation and might say yes, and then ask the Reformed Baptist church why, if they are really committed to believers baptism, they are allowing an "unbaptized man" to lead them.
But again, I know very well how hard it is to work in areas where the Reformed faith is almost unknown, and people of differing views have to work together or there will be no Reformed church at all.
Blessings on you in both your ecclesiastical and medical situations.
Here's a different situation of "re-baptism" :
My wife was baptized in the Greek Orthodox church as an infant. We count this her true baptism. Fast forward a number of decades: I was co-pastoring a 1689 Baptist church (helping the pastor, a friend, with a fairly large congregation, until we could raise up another elder), and my wife (Pola) was also serving in the church, doing whatever was needed there. She was asked to teach the women, in their frequent women's Bible studies.
But they counted her as unbaptized, and unable to be a member. So I told them, she was already genuinely baptized as an infant (everyone knew I was Presbyterian / Reformed, and would not teach against their standards), but for the sake of your consciences I will allow her to be baptized by you.
My consience was clean, as I declared she was already baptized, and their dunking her in the water was for their sakes, not hers. Not all here may agree with what I allowed, but before the Lord I did it.
This was one of the great church experiences for both of us, being loved by all, and able to serve those we loved.
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