I listened to “Groomed to Submit -Abuse in the CREC Pt2”
This is composed of two long interviews with abuse survivors, Jean and Emily. As I listened to these stories I was conscious of the fact that I am hearing the viewpoint of participants in terrible sins, gross sins of a kind that no session can easily cope with, and no possibility of the participants enduring such things without suffering damage. I am naturally inclined to believe and sympathize with women who are suffering, even though I know that I am hearing just one side of the story. How can I achieve objectivity given my predisposition? In hearing just one side of the story there is no realistic possibility of my achieving balanced analysis. In that sense Peter Bell is doing us all a disservice by publicising these interviews. It is as if someone has driven past, shouted out, “Doug Wilson and the CREC are evil” and then just driven off.
Nevertheless I can still listen to the interviews and hear just one person’s view and at least understand how the world looks to them, and understand their experiences to some degree.
The first one was Jean. She said she had a alcoholic husband, involved in p0rnography and eventually unfaithful. The elders said she had grounds to divorce him, which she eventually did. So the CREC elders seemed to have made some attempt to support her and discipline the husband. Whether he was ever a Christian and whether he really repented is uncertain. So Jean complains that she felt isolation, and then her conclusion is that the church teaching causes depression. She makes the extravagant claim that the church mistook immorality for holiness, but offered no evidence. She said at one stage she was asked to submit to her husband and the session, which I can understand, but what she thought that meant in practice is unclear, and she makes it sound like an unreasonable imposition. Without hearing the elders explain what they were doing no firm conclusions can be drawn by the listener. It sounded like a miserable situation causing pain for all concerned, but no clear evidence of misbehaviour by the church. I could not see how this story gave any substance to Bell’s accusations against the CREC.
The second interview was with Emily who was “ groomed” or seduced at 17 by a 50 year old teacher at the CREC school. My heart was touched by the awful experience of this young girl, and naturally I found the reported behavior of Nance, the teacher, despicable. My natural inclination is to regard the man as the problem in these situations, as the leader, and particularly so when it is an older man. But then I tried to put on my analytical persona and my perception shifted a little. She complained all the way through the interview that she had nobody to talk to, but the obvious people to speak to were her parents, who were always available. For some reason that is not explained very well she did not confide in them. She said she did not want to because of feelings of shame. This was a major mistake on her part. I have daughters and I know how important it is that they should keep me informed because when it comes to attracting male attention they can be naive. Emily admits that she was naive. I have also learned that Christian men can be incredibly naive regarding close relationships with women they work with, whether in the church or elsewhere. You can be the most godly man on the planet, but if you spend long periods of time with another woman, and she is of similar age or younger, you will find that there is something of an attractive Eve in every woman. Men who appear to be godly can be really stupid in this area. So if the story is true, Nance ended up walking down a well-trodden path, and dug himself in deep, and had to own up to his sin, eventually. But Emily clearly states that she has no guilt, no shame, no responsibility, and Peter Bell says he agrees, because she was groomed. How Peter Bell can pass judgment on the behavior of Doug Wilson and the CREC based on hearing just one side of the story is beyond me. Bell cannot understand why Emily was accused of covering up, and accused of consenting to the relationship. Well, I can explain. By her own account, after severing all ties with Nance, who had been partially exposed by this time as guilty, she admits that she decided to meet with him again, and so at 18 years old restarts the relationship at a higher level of intensity! How are the elders able to draw any other rational conclusion other than that the relationship was consensual? She uses the word, “groomed” which carries the connotation of a passive animal which follows the direction of its keeper. But surely an eighteen-year old woman with enough brains to go to college, and having already identified the relationship as being sinful, should be held accountable for again doing what she knew was wrong. She also objects to being accused of covering up because the full magnitude of the sin was not revealed by her the first time the relationship was discovered. I can well understand the irritation of the elders at this lack of disclosure of key facts by both parties, and regardless of her inner turmoil, she had a responsibility to spill all the beans. She does not seem to understand that is obviously why the second time around the school and elders wanted to know everything in detail. Then the school and elders had to weigh up whether they should involve the police. The first time it seems that the evidence was not so strong because both Emily and Nance were not forthcoming. The second time the evidence threshold was reached and so the police were called. It has hard to criticise the school and church leadership for their decisions under such trying circumstances. But what must have exasperated the school, the elders, Wilson and the police is that when she was then questioned she says she backtracked and denied everything! She covered everything up. How could the police proceed when the chief witness will not cooperate? Then at a later stage, too late, without consulting with anybody, she decides to fully spill the beans on Facebook. This is wild behaviour. Yet she takes no responsibility at all, says all her decisions were reasonable, and feels no guilt. She complains that nobody understood her inner state, but kept quiet and so expects them all to be mind-readers.
Her conclusion is that the teaching of the church is the problem, turning men into predators, the only concern is for money and reputation. This accusation is not borne out by the facts she presents. If you are going to make these kinds of serious accusations you need to have some very good evidence. The church clearly condemned the behaviour of Nance, and tried to help her. Their help did not meet her expectations. She has high expectations of others but not so much for herself.
Bearing in mind that she is giving her personal account of events, which I have no way of verifying, and exonerates herself of blame, she unwittingly makes herself look bad and makes the CREC leaders look quite reasonable. By publicising this woman’s story in order to attack the CREC I would say Peter Bell has scored an own goal. He should stop this series of attacks if this is the best he can do. He has made it clear that he despises Doug Wilson, the CREC and others that promote patriarchy, but we all need to justify our beliefs and words. We have to carefully present the truth. Otherwise our accusations become slander, and slander is a serious sin.
Prov 10:18 Whoever conceals hatred with lying lips and spreads slander is a fool.