Forgiveness and trust

[timfost]

How would you respond to someone who believes that to completely forgive someones you must also completely trust the person forgiven? It seems like a subset of "forgive and forget."

God forgave David in his adultery but certainly did not forget. We should always be quick to forgive, but trust often takes time to rebuild.

Can you help me make this argument from scripture, or, correct any misconceptions I have with scripture?

Thanks!

 

[OPC'n]

I don't see that in Scripture. If a brother asks for forgiveness we must forgive each time they ask for forgiveness, but they must also be disciplined if that action is required. I don't see anything in Scripture that says we are to trust them and be oblivious to them committing that sin again. We aren't to hold any sin against them once they have asked for forgiveness. If that's what they mean by trust.

 

[Pergamum]

There is a lot of bad evangelical teaching about forgiveness. I have even heard of churches disciplining or rebuking women who have been abused because of the "sin of unforgiveness" or having a "bitter spirit."

There is a lot of cheap forgiveness being peddled. It is wise not to trust untrustworthy people. And it is okay to tell them so.

 

[Herald]

Forgiveness and restoration go hand-in-hand. Let's say a friend sincerely asks you to forgive them for the sin of gossiping about you. Without any hesitation, you extend forgiveness. While you have forgiven them and desire to see your friendship with them restored, you may not want to put them in a position to gossip about you again, so you use discretion in the things you tell them in conversation. As trust is rebuilt you can decide how the relationship should proceed. Not only are you employing wisdom, you are also helping them fight against temptation.

 

[JimmyH]

I used to give rides to an acquaintance who could no longer afford a car. Mainly to buy groceries. This went on weekly for a couple of years. He is Jewish and antagonistic to Christianity. Because of his occasional snide remarks I had to tell him that I didn't disrespect his faith, and wouldn't stand for him disrespecting mine.

Eventually he began taking care of his own shopping/errands via a bicycle with racks. He telephoned me wanting a ride to a bicycle shop to install a part he'd received in the mail. I suggested I could install it for him, I have the tools and I'm reasonably skilled at bicycle mechanics. He exclaimed, "I said I want to bring it to the bicycle shop !!!"

I was taken aback by the vehemence of his response so I didn't reply immediately and before I could do so he said, "I asked and you were not forthcoming," and he hung up on me. I didn't attempt to communicate with him and a few days later found that he had unfriended me on facebook.

A few months later he came up to me in the supermarket and apologized. I told him I accepted his apology but I don't want to have anything to do with him. I do forgive him, but I don't feel that I'm obligated to subject myself to a 'friendship' with this person. Say this to say, I think there are circumstances where forgiveness does not require a continuing interaction with the individual, depending on the circumstances.

 

[Ask Mr. Religion]

I used to give rides to an acquaintance who could no longer afford a car. Mainly to buy groceries. This went on weekly for a couple of years. He is Jewish and antagonistic to Christianity. Because of his occasional snide remarks I had to tell him that I didn't disrespect his faith, and wouldn't stand for him disrespecting mine.

Eventually he began taking care of his own shopping/errands via a bicycle with racks. He telephoned me wanting a ride to a bicycle shop to install a part he'd received in the mail. I suggested I could install it for him, I have the tools and I'm reasonably skilled at bicycle mechanics. He exclaimed, "I said I want to bring it to the bicycle shop !!!"

I was taken aback by the vehemence of his response so I didn't reply immediately and before I could do so he said, "I asked and you were not forthcoming," and he hung up on me. I didn't attempt to communicate with him and a few days later found that he had unfriended me on facebook.

A few months later he came up to me in the supermarket and apologized. I told him I accepted his apology but I don't want to have anything to do with him. I do forgive him, but I don't feel that I'm obligated to subject myself to a 'friendship' with this person. Say this to say, I think there are circumstances where forgiveness does not require a continuing interaction with the individual, depending on the circumstances.

Indeed.

* Forgiveness can take place with only one person.
—Reconciliation requires at least two persons.
* Forgiveness is directed one-way.
—Reconciliation is reciprocal... occurring two-ways.
* Forgiveness is a decision to release the offender.
—Reconciliation is the effort to rejoin the offender.
* Forgiveness involves a change in thinking about the offender.
—Reconciliation involves a change in behavior by the offender.
* Forgiveness is a free gift to the one who has broken trust.
—Reconciliation is a restored relationship based on restored trust.
* Forgiveness is extended even if it is never, ever earned.
—Reconciliation is offered to the offender because it has been earned.
* Forgiveness is unconditional, regardless of a lack of repentance.
—Reconciliation is conditional based on repentance.

Reconciliation is not always mandated.

First Corinthians 15:33, "Do not be misled: 'Bad company corrupts good character.'"

"Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered." (Proverbs 22:24)