Top 5 Tips for Making Marriage Work

[SolaScriptura]

This past weekend - at the marriage retreat I led - I was asked for my top 5 tips for making marriage work.

There are so many good bits of advice that could be given, how do we distill it down to 5 bits of advice? What would you say?

You can read my top five tips here: Making Marriage Work.

 

[AThornquist]

Good advice, thanks!

 

[hammondjones]

Read Richard Baxter!

 

[SolaScriptura]

Read Richard Baxter!

Which work(s)?

Am I correct in understanding that you are saying that your tip for making marriage work is to read (something by) Richard Baxter?

 

[A Tulip Not a Daisy]

Excellent. Thanks!

 

[SolaScriptura]

You're welcome. I wasn't initially happy about being asked to limit it to "top 5," but it was a good exercise.

 

[seajayrice]

My top five:
Yes Dear
Yes Dear
Yes Dear
Yes Dear
Yes Dear

 

[SolaScriptura]

My top five:
Yes Dear
Yes Dear
Yes Dear
Yes Dear
Yes Dear

Hmm....

 

[Miss Marple]

Chaplain, in the future, will you be required to allow "married" homosexual couples in to your seminars? And have to give them tips about how to have a successful "marriage?" This is a serious question. Do you have the liberty to disallow these type of couples?

 

[smhbbag]

My top five:
Yes Dear
Yes Dear
Yes Dear
Yes Dear
Yes Dear

That's funny - that's my list of Top 5 Things Never to Tell My Wife. Might as well replace "dear" with "mother," judging by the way I've usually heard it.

Some Richard Baxter - The Mutual Duties of Husbands and Wives Towards Each Other: The Mutual Duties Of Husbands And Wives Towards Each Other

 

[SolaScriptura]

Chaplain, in the future, will you be required to allow "married" homosexual couples in to your seminars? And have to give them tips about how to have a successful "marriage?" This is a serious question. Do you have the liberty to disallow these type of couples?

As the laws are presently written concerning how I do my ministry... no, I will not be required to include them. Certainly some chaplains will - just as some chaplains allow unmarried cohabiting couples to attend their marriage retreats. I don't allow this. I've taken flack over the years - they'll say something like, "it's the same thing as being married" and I'll say something like, "then just go get the marriage certificate."

I will say that I am one who has already made up his mind that I would sooner not do an event at all than have to include homosexual couples.

 

[moral necessity]

What would you say?

Without looking at yours, off the top of my head, my five would probably be:

1. Have the mindset of, "There are no options for it not working...either commit or stay away from it." (You can't help it if the other refuses and leaves, of course)
2. Communicate, communicate, communicate...never stop talking about the problems, and listening.
3. As the husband, be the leader, yet be fair and just. A vacuum is not good, nor is it respected by her.
4. You must compromise and find a compatable middle ground on most things. Expect it.
5. Be polite and cordial at all times to your wife and family. Treat them as you would your own guests, and focus on their needs.

An old man once said, "Never stop courting your wife."
I always thought that was good advice too.

Blessings!

 

[Fogetaboutit]

Chaplain, in the future, will you be required to allow "married" homosexual couples in to your seminars? And have to give them tips about how to have a successful "marriage?" This is a serious question. Do you have the liberty to disallow these type of couples?

then he could change his tips to:

1: repent and believe the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ
2: divorce your homosexual partner (could be part of step 1)
3: find a lovely wife/husband (of the opposite sexe) who loves the Lord
4: Keep God the main focus in your relationship
5: Put you wife/husband second only to God

 

[hammondjones]

Read Richard Baxter!

Which work(s)?

Am I correct in understanding that you are saying that your tip for making marriage work is to read (something by) Richard Baxter?

Well,yes, although it would probably not make any top 5 list. I guess the tip is not so much reading the book as learning from it. Specifically, I think The Mutual Duties Of Husbands And Wives Towards Each Other is great. I love the whole work, but I like this part in particular:

Remember still that you are both diseased persons, full of infirmities; and therefore expect the fruit of those infirmities in each other; and make not a strange matter of it, as if you had never known of it before. If you had married one that is lame, would you be angry with her for haltering? Or if you had married one that had a putrid ulcer, would you fall out with her because it stinketh? Did you not know beforehand, that you married a person of such weakness, as would yield you some matter of daily trial and offence? ... Resolve therefore to bear with one another; as remembering that you took one another as sinful, frail, imperfect persons, and not as angels or as blameless and perfect.

 

[Reformed Irish Man]

Thanks for sharing!

 

[SolaScriptura]

What would you say?

Without looking at yours, off the top of my head, my five would probably be:

1. Have the mindset of, "There are no options for it not working...either commit or stay away from it." (You can't help it if the other refuses and leaves, of course)
2. Communicate, communicate, communicate...never stop talking about the problems, and listening.
3. As the husband, be the leader, yet be fair and just. A vacuum is not good, nor is it respected by her.
4. You must compromise and find a compatable middle ground on most things. Expect it.
5. Be polite and cordial at all times to your wife and family. Treat them as you would your own guests, and focus on their needs.

An old man once said, "Never stop courting your wife."
I always thought that was good advice too.

Blessings!

This is all good advice! Thanks!

 

[Jesus is my friend]

For the Men:Listen (that's it,it show's you love more than anything else. As a man,we don't have to solve all their problems,but they need to know we really care-Listen)-"slow to speak,quick to hear...." James

 

[SolaScriptura]

For the Men:Listen (that's it,it show's you love more than anything else. As a man,we don't have to solve all their problems,but they need to know we really care-Listen)-"slow to speak,quick to hear...." James

Great advice! After all, the #1 complain of women concerning men is that "men don't listen."

 

[Christopher88]

I just sent this to my fiancee'. Your writings are a blessing.

 

[Christopher88]

For the Men:Listen (that's it,it show's you love more than anything else. As a man,we don't have to solve all their problems,but they need to know we really care-Listen)-"slow to speak,quick to hear...." James

Great advice! After all, the #1 complain of women concerning men is that "men don't listen."

In Peter it says to live in an understanding way. As I am four months from marriage I going to be quick to heed this advice. My Christen is the most wonderful thing God gave me outside my salvation and faith, I desire to honor her and understand her.

I call Christen my queen, because she is just that my queen, I am to be her King, Husband, servant, lover, friend, and so much more.

Did I mention I love my soon to be bride?