Help! My spouse won't stop nagging me!

[SolaScriptura]

Ok, this isn't my cry for help... sorry to disappoint you.

However, I've talked to countless people who are nagged by their spouse on a regular basis. Maybe you're one of them. Have you ever wondered why your spouse does it? Have you ever wondered what you can do about it? If so, this post is for you.

Help! My spouse won't stop nagging me!

 

[Jack K]

Here's something to think about...

Do the same root causes tend to apply when it's a parent nagging a child? Would the suggested solutions remain the same, or does the different nature of the parent-child relationship require different advice?

 

[earl40]

My wife has such high standards. Can't she see I am her compliment? That is what I tell her and she stops nagging and simply wacks me upside the head.

 

[reaganmarsh]

Thanks for sharing, Ben. Good thoughts here.

 

[timmopussycat]

Very good reminders.

 

[SolaScriptura]

Here's something to think about...

Do the same root causes tend to apply when it's a parent nagging a child? Would the suggested solutions remain the same, or does the different nature of the parent-child relationship require different advice?

EXCELLENT questions! Incidentally, I'm at a marriage retreat right now and if I spend too much time online my wife will... be unhappy. So I wanted to acknowledge your questions and I'd love to hear your thoughts. I've definitely got mine. I'll right more later.

Question: are you referring to a parent nagging an underage child, or are you referring to a parent nagging an adult child?

 

[Jack K]

Question: are you referring to a parent nagging an underage child, or are you referring to a parent nagging an adult child?

I have young teenagers, so that's what came to mind. We want to see them become more independent, but much of the time we end up just nagging them to be more responsible about chores, etc.


It seems to me there's a disconnect between what we say we want (letting them be more independent) and what we actually want (to still be in control and force them to act responsibly). It comes out as nagging, which is seldom good for any of us. We want to give them increasing freedom within clear limits, and guidance without nagging—all in a sin-aware, looking-to-Christ environment. But that's not easy. The nagging comes largely from an unwillingness to give up control, I think, and it is ultimately an unwillingness to let God be in control. If we prayed for our kids more, we would nag them less.

 

[Free Christian]

I'm at a marriage retreat right now

Sorry, I know your serious, but im picturing you all dressed in robes sitting in a circle, the guys, and being told to close your eyes and picture yourselves as your wife nagging you whilst your watching grid iron and the rubbish bins full

 

[ThyWord IsTruth]

Question: are you referring to a parent nagging an underage child, or are you referring to a parent nagging an adult child?

I have young teenagers, so that's what came to mind. We want to see them become more independent, but much of the time we end up just nagging them to be more responsible about chores, etc.


It seems to me there's a disconnect between what we say we want (letting them be more independent) and what we actually want (to still be in control and force them to act responsibly). It comes out as nagging, which is seldom good for any of us. We want to give them increasing freedom within clear limits, and guidance without nagging—all in a sin-aware, looking-to-Christ environment. But that's not easy. The nagging comes largely from an unwillingness to give up control, I think, and it is ultimately an unwillingness to let God be in control. If we prayed for our kids more, we would nag them less.

As a father of three teenage boys I simply teach them to discipline themselves, and they know that if they do not practice self discipline then I will discipline them. If that happens they know that certain privileges get taken away.
The issue is staying consistent with the whole matter and at times to the one being corrected it can come across as nagging but only if the warnings become too frequent in place of taking action.
Our jobs as fathers is to train them up in the Lord and teach them to become responsible, self disciplined, hard working men of integrity, by the grace of God.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Dwimble]

Here's something to think about...

Do the same root causes tend to apply when it's a parent nagging a child? Would the suggested solutions remain the same, or does the different nature of the parent-child relationship require different advice?

I'm not really equipped to speak to the root causes nor differences in advice between the two, but for the "nag-ee," the nagging certainly feels the same. I'm blessed that my wife has never nagged me in over 18 years of marriage, but I preemptively cut off all possibility of that during our engagement. I'm an extremely mild-mannered guy, but once during our engagement she started nagging me and I immediately cut her off and told her as firmly as she has ever heard me say anything, to NEVER speak to me that way again...EVER. I told her that I grew up with a mother who nagged me incessantly every day of my life, even into adulthood, and I would NOT have a wife who did the same. I no longer took that from my mother and I certainly would not take it from my wife. Clearly it had a serious impact on her because she never did it again. To my great blessing.

 

[Solparvus]

Thank you Ben! I was going to say I'll keep it in mind, but I'd rather it will come into application fewer times than more.

 

[SolaScriptura]

I'm at a marriage retreat right now

Sorry, I know your serious, but im picturing you all dressed in robes sitting in a circle, the guys, and being told to close your eyes and picture yourselves as your wife nagging you whilst your watching grid iron and the rubbish bins full

We just got home... actually, on this particular retreat we each "discovered" our personal strengths and spent time focusing on how my strengths and my wife's strengths could be utilized to make a stronger marriage.

 

[a mere housewife]

I thought of this in relation to prayer. 'It is better to live in the corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. . . . It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.' 'Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.' It is easy to simply 'nag' God in prayer for many of the same reasons listed in the post: that we aren't in control, that we feel our concerns aren't being heard, etc. But God also loves to dwell with women who are able to rest their requests with Him in confidence of His love and of being heard -- and in confidence of His character; at peace with not being in control while He is. It is a convicting thought to me as it is easy in prayer to simply start fretting and quarreling with God's hard providences.

 

[SolaScriptura]

I thought of this in relation to prayer. 'It is better to live in the corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. . . . It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.' 'Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.' It is easy to simply 'nag' God in prayer for many of the same reasons listed in the post: that we aren't in control, that we feel our concerns aren't being heard, etc. But God also loves to dwell with women who are able to rest their requests with Him in confidence of His love and of being heard -- and in confidence of His character; at peace with not being in control while He is. It is a convicting thought to me as it is easy in prayer to simply start fretting and quarreling with God's hard providences.

Excellent reflections, Heidi. Thanks for sharing them!

 

[Free Christian]

You know I was kidding, not making fun of what you were doing Ben?

 

[SolaScriptura]

You know I was kidding, not making fun of what you were doing Ben?

Yes, I knew that.

 

[Free Christian]