Where are the single men???

Discussion in 'General discussions' started by nickipicki123, Mar 13, 2019.

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  1. Edward

    Edward Puritan Board Doctor

    Find out where the single guys from seminary go to church. They should know that they'll have an easier time with a call if they have a suitable wife, so they should be motivated. Be sure to check out their financial posture before you commit, however. Excessive school debt can be a warning sign.
     
  2. nickipicki123

    nickipicki123 Puritan Board Freshman

    I understand!
     
  3. nickipicki123

    nickipicki123 Puritan Board Freshman

    I don't think there's a Reformed seminary nearby. Plus I'm already a member of a church.
     
  4. Edward

    Edward Puritan Board Doctor

    Well, you'll have to set your own priorities. I'm in no position to set them for you.
     
  5. John Yap

    John Yap Puritan Board Freshman

    I have heard of pastors matchmaking single people they know through their travels.
     
  6. nickipicki123

    nickipicki123 Puritan Board Freshman

    Yeah, it's more important to me to stay committed to my church than it is to find a spouse, at least at this time. I've already taken my membership vows.
     
  7. John Yap

    John Yap Puritan Board Freshman

    RPCNA Cali... perhaps you could seek Pacific Presbytery to see what are the channels to get to know more people around your age in general
     
  8. bookslover

    bookslover Puritan Board Professor

    Here I am, Niki! Here I am! Of course, I'm 66. . .
     
  9. ZackF

    ZackF Puritan Board Graduate

    It’s not like your Noah or anything!
     
  10. bookslover

    bookslover Puritan Board Professor

    LOL. Well, if she's, say, 30, I'd seem like Noah to her! Unless she's a likes-to-think-outside-the-box kind of gal.
     
  11. ZackF

    ZackF Puritan Board Graduate

    She does have “picki” in the handle!
     
  12. bookslover

    bookslover Puritan Board Professor

    I'm very strict as to my criteria for a wife. She must be: (a) female; (b) Christian; (c) breathing. Heh.
     
  13. ZackF

    ZackF Puritan Board Graduate

    Sad that has to be qualified these days.
     
  14. Ryan&Amber2013

    Ryan&Amber2013 Puritan Board Junior

    And c. Breathing. Those robots.... I'm sure you've heard.
     
  15. Ryan&Amber2013

    Ryan&Amber2013 Puritan Board Junior

    I totally agree. Ask the pastors for help.
     
  16. nickipicki123

    nickipicki123 Puritan Board Freshman

    I tryyyyyyy
    Pacific Presbytery churches aren't very close together though!
     
  17. JTB.SDG

    JTB.SDG Puritan Board Sophomore

    Hi Nicki,

    Not to be trite or simplistic, but I would echo here what I said in @Bill Duncan's recent post on this issue. The year I got married was the year I struggled the most with my singleness; God was putting increased desires for a spouse. It seems you have that. Not to make it a template. But also, I had several people tell me that year they were praying for a spouse for me. I noted that. Lo and behold, God brought along the one He had planned for me. Again, not to be trite, but my best advise to you, outside the normal course of putting yourself in a position where you're interacting with Reformed single men, would be to intentionally bring this need to the Lord yourself, as well as let it known to trusted friends and ask them if they would intentionally pray with you about this. Not to assume you haven't done this already.
     
  18. nickipicki123

    nickipicki123 Puritan Board Freshman

    Thank you! I guess I just don't know where in my local area there would be single Reformed men, so I can't put myself out there. Unless I flirt to convert.
    Then, even if you find other singles, you gotta get them to like you and find you attractive, which is a whole nother ballgame.
     
  19. Poimen

    Poimen Puritan Board Post-Graduate

    Hi Nikki. Have you talked to your pastor about connecting with other Reformed singles groups? Usually pastors are well connected.
     
  20. nickipicki123

    nickipicki123 Puritan Board Freshman

    Yes!
     
  21. Reformed Covenanter

    Reformed Covenanter Puritan Board Doctor

    How far are you from Westminster Seminary California in Escondido? Being from Northern Ireland, where you can get around the whole place in a few hours, I have no appreciation for distance in an American context. But since it is in the same state as yourself, it might be worth paying a visit if they ever have any conferences that are open to the general public.
     
  22. bookslover

    bookslover Puritan Board Professor

    I think she's in northern California, which means that Escondido will be several hundred miles away.
     
  23. nickipicki123

    nickipicki123 Puritan Board Freshman

    It takes about ten hours to get to the Oregon boarder from here and 3 or 4 hours to get to the Nevada boarder. Plus, I looked it up, and northern Ireland is a little over 5,200 square miles, while California is over 160,000, just to give some perspective on how big California is. I think I'm about 2 hours from Escondido, though!
    https://www.mylifeelsewhere.com/country-size-comparison/ireland/california-usa
     
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2019
  24. Pergamum

    Pergamum Ordinary Guy (TM)

    My only dating advice is to be bold. Look for what you want and then go for it.

    My wife was a nursing student. As she was reaching for the last slice of pizza in the hospital cafeteria after working a shift (in an overly tight nurse's dress, she swore it shrunk in the wash), I swooped in and grabbed that last piece of pizza and told her I'd give it back to her if she sat by me (the tables were limited, after all, anyway). I was really just looking for a reason to talk to her. That night we went out and had dinner (I watched her eat and drank water because I only had 15 dollars to my name...but I had boldness).

    So maybe go steal some dude's lunch....it worked for me.
     
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  25. Jack K

    Jack K Puritan Board Professor

    Nicki, a few thoughts:

    1. You might not get married. You still have Christ, the better Husband. And you might be "single." You are still a daughter of God, which is your true and better identity.

    2. Where do you live? This board is one resource that might, possibly be able to help you connect. But all anyone can tell from your signature is that you're from somewhere in California, which isn't specific enough. Put your town in your signature, and someone might say, "I know a guy..."

    3. Are widely are you willing to look? Will you consider men who may not be as staunchly Reformed as one finds in the RPCNA, but rather are more broadly Reformed? I would not want you to settle for a poor fit spiritually. But there are godly men in the broadly Reformed camp, and many more of them than you'll find in just the RPCNA. A singles group from a nearby PCA (or a church in that vein) might provide godly fellowship and introduce you to good friends, enlarging your circle while you still attend your current church. Your Christian friendships don't all have to be a perfect spiritual fit to be helpful, both as fellowship and good "networking."

    4. It isn't "flirt to convert" if you meet a man who's a godly believer, who cares about you and is eager to grow in faith alongside you, but doesn't line up perfectly with all your convictions. Yes, it's easier when the two of you do line up. But a godly marriage will always be between two people who are growing together, and you may find a guy with whom you can grow even if initially you have a few differences. At least talk it out before you dismiss the guy.

    5. If a fellow finds your godliness attractive, you may have a keeper.
     
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  26. Reformed Covenanter

    Reformed Covenanter Puritan Board Doctor

    So, you are not too far away. Why not try to speak to @psycheives who studies (or used to study) at Westminster-CA?
     
  27. nickipicki123

    nickipicki123 Puritan Board Freshman

    Thank you very much Jack! I am wary of saying my exact location on a public forum, since anyone can read these boards. That is good advice though. I appreciate it!
     
  28. nickipicki123

    nickipicki123 Puritan Board Freshman

    I will do that. I hadn't considered going to Westminster CA events!
     
  29. nickipicki123

    nickipicki123 Puritan Board Freshman

    I love it!
     
  30. Pergamum

    Pergamum Ordinary Guy (TM)

    Please also note your PB Avator pic is a sea creature with his eyes burning out. Ha ha.... If your Facebook profile is the same, men might be running the other direction. For instance, if I were single, my Facebook profile wouldn't be Squidword from Sponge Bob. Not that Sponge Bob and Squidword are not beautiful in their own way....but most women are not looking for Sponge Bob look-alikes. One needn't go full "thot" or "Duckface Narcisssism" but a pretty profile pic and a list of good traits does wonders.
     
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