As with many of the other threads on the PuritanBoard where member X says suspicious thing Y about church Z, we should acknowledge that the OP is presenting only one side of the story. Lucas, it might be good to know more about the youth gathering you were going to - what its church or denominational affilation was - along with your pastor's reasoning for not wanting you to go. It does sound awfully restrictive as you've described it, but there may be a second side to the story.
As far as your parameters for who you marry: Scripture absolutely forbids us to marry outside the faith, and Christians who do so are contractually obligating them to a lifetime of suffering and heartache, barring the Spirit's salvific work in the life of the unbelieving spouse. Marrying in the Roman Catholic or Eastern Orthodox churches is at best a tiny incremental improvement; they are false churches and the devout adherents in these churches are usually devout in their faithfulness to the avowed idolatries and paganisms of these bodies. A true believer should most emphatically not court any woman who is a member of these bodies.
Within evangelical Protestantism, if you marry outside the Reformed faith, you take a serious risk, and you should have a very high degree of certainty regarding three matters:
1) You should be ready and willing to lead in a firm but loving manner. Most men, at the beginning of marriage, will fail here simply because that is an ability that unfortunately takes some years of experience as a husband and father to acquire. Don't be overconfident that you have arrived here, because if you haven't, you risk turning a wife off to the Reformed faith and compounding the hardships and sorrows of your married life (as well as delaying or even destroying your prospects of winning her to your convictions).
2) Your wife should have a strong sense and conviction of the Biblical God-ordained roles in marriage. You lead (under Christ's headship) and she follows (as befits a follower of Christ). Without this, you will be significantly handicapped in your ability to bridge a gap as large as the gap between true Biblical Reformed confessionalism and generic evangelicalism in any of its many stripes.
3) Your wife should have a strong sense of a need and desire for spiritual and doctrinal growth. Even with #1 and #2 in place, if your wife has a sense of having arrived and settled in her convictions, it will be harder for her to come around to the Reformed faith. Not that I am not advocating looking for a woman who is wishy-washy, indecisive, spineless, or non-committal. You want a woman who has strong and firmly-held convictions; it's just that among those firm convictions should be a humbled awareness of her shortcomings, a sense of the importance of Scripture, and an openness to the Holy Spirit's leading. That will distinguish her from a woman who has strong but wrong convictions or a woman who is incapable of having (or worse, too dishonest to acknowledge) any real opinions of her own.
Without further knowledge of your church situation, I strongly hesitate to give you any advice here other than the default: that you should follow your pastor's guidance unless it's clearly unbiblical. I know Presbyterian polity doesn't solve all problems and the reality often falls short of the ideal, but situations like this make me more convinced of its wisdom. In a Presbyterian denomination (again, somewhat idealistically) your church's culture and doctrinal stances would be guided and restrained by the denomination, and you would have recourse to a higher body if your pastor was truly out of line. If your church is only 15-20 people, it would seem that you should have some way to seek a wife outside of that immediate body, but again, I can't speak to your specific situation without knowing the specifics.
Thank you very much for this exhaustive answer. I'm gonna definitely medidate on the points you made, and I actually agree with all of them.
Since you were exhaustive, I don't have any issues to be exhaustive on my story. I didn't want to put every detail because I think that's a closed issue, and my current concern is if I have definitely to relocate myself to another country or maybe moving to a non-reformed church (more evangelical, which I don't want to).
Anyways. I'll put the story point to point so anyone can read it.
1. Everything started when I wanted to start seeking for a wife and I asked my church elders to guide me on that aspect. The first answer was that I should look at the local church (which I think is the most obvious move). The problem was that at my local church, there are three single women where two of them were 40 years old (or close) and I was 29 back then, and I absolutely want to form a family so those options were impossible for me. The third sister was/is younger than me, but she has some things that I don't feel atractive.
2. They started to ask me if I'm looking for the exterior or for the interior (faith basically). I didn't find this to be relevant since the mutual attraction should be natural to both men and women, but also, both have to be in the faith to marry in the Lord.
3. We had several meetings discussing this (they were always pushing me to consider the local church sisters and If I didn't want to, my problem was more a sin problem. You could not understand this, but is a psychological thing they do). Finally, we agreed on both things could exist (attraction + faith, but attraction could be optional depending on the person and their willingness) in order to get married.
4. Then I started showing them the possibility I had to go to a youth reunion on another church (you can find them on IG @iglesiamenonitaconcordia. They are anabaptist) on Saturdays, which collided with our Saturday church study of the confession of faith. They told me that there is no way to not go to our Saturday study since I'm a member of the church and is mandatory for all to be at each service the church holds (if you don't attend to one, they will ask you about why, and if your motive doesn't make sense to them, they will call you to repent). Anyways, I argued that is a legit possibility for me to establish connection with younger christians, and so I could end up knowing a sister to whom I could marry. Also, I told them that I'd not go there every Saturday, but rather bi-weekly.
4. We keep having meetings to further discuss this issue. They recommended me to study maybe in a evangelical university (which I can't since I work, I only have free on weekends), so that option couldn't go further.
5. I didn't have strong biblical reasons why I should not go to that youth service so I decided to go anyways (using my christian liberty and liberty of conscience). Of course, before I could go with peace, I told them first. That day was a cataclysm basically, and they told me that If I really wanted to go, they expect me to go on Sunday to treat my dissobedience to local authority in front of the church (final step of Matthew 18)
6. I went that Sunday with my family, I could barely speak (they didn't allow me to present defense on my case). They showed a lot of things about the church I mentioned on point 4. How they are antinomian, mundane, etc. The only thing I found reasonable was that they celebrate Christmas, that's it. My family started to cry, everyone started to cry. My family convinced me to stay there and not go anywhere
7. Here I am two years after, writing this not knowing what else to do. I'm willing to cut the grass eternally if someone hires me in order to me to relocate my self to Canada, US, UK (idk). That's the level of determination I have, and I'll just stop fight about non-essential things. If they want to persuade me that relocation is sinning, I'll just leave with a note.
In case you would like to know more details that maybe I forgot, I can send you the Facebook account.
