Good Marriage Advice/Quotes

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Gwallard

Puritan Board Freshman
As I write to a brother and sister who are about to be married, I wish I could be with them, but extenuating circumstances forbid me from doing so. So, I am writing them a long letter about the marriage advice that I have received over the years from good counselors. However, since I have only been married 5 years, and I recognize my own failings in my marriage, I would like to give them greater advice than merely my own.

So, I would ask you what has been the best or most memorable marriage advice, wisdom, or quotes that you have ever received?


My small contribution:
You do not marry your wedding-day spouse, you marry every version of him/her.
The duty and honor of marriage is to sacrifice first for one another.
"The prudent wife commands her husband by obeying him"
 
"Staying married is not a matter of staying in love. It's a matter of keeping covenant." -- John Piper

I reckon that's the most important thing I say to couples in my marriage preparation classes.
 
Remember still that you are both diseased persons, full of infirmities; and therefore expect the fruit of those infirmities in each other; and make not a strange matter of it, as if you had never known of it before. If you had married one that is lame, would you be angry at her for limping? Or if you had married one that had a putrid ulcer, would you fall out with her because it stinketh?... Resolve therefore to bear with one another; as remembering that you took one another as sinful, frail, imperfect persons, not as angels, or as blameless and perfect.

Actually, apart from making me chuckle, I think Richard Baxter's advice there is pretty sound.
 
Sometimes we think that because it's so easy to love our fiance, loving them as a spouse should always be easy. Sometimes it surprises us that the commitment to love takes work. It's not always easy, and sometimes it's really hard. But we work hard at anything we do well. Expect to work hard at marriage. It is worth it!

This summer we will celebrate 17 years of marriage, and I can honestly and without reservation say that our marriage has gotten even better with time.
 
As I write to a brother and sister who are about to be married, I wish I could be with them, but extenuating circumstances forbid me from doing so. So, I am writing them a long letter about the marriage advice that I have received over the years from good counselors. However, since I have only been married 5 years, and I recognize my own failings in my marriage, I would like to give them greater advice than merely my own.

So, I would ask you what has been the best or most memorable marriage advice, wisdom, or quotes that you have ever received?


My small contribution:
You do not marry your wedding-day spouse, you marry every version of him/her.
The duty and honor of marriage is to sacrifice first for one another.
"The prudent wife commands her husband by obeying him"
I think it is important to dissuade people of a quantifiable and enforceable notion of everything being 50/50 in a marriage There will be times and seasons where it will be 95/5. Illness and tragedy usually don't strike each of two in a pair equally at all times. Deaths of loved ones or their failing marriages and faith will affect each spouse differently. Have close friends. Don't depend on your spouse to fill ever human need for friendship. No one can or should be expected to live up to that.
 
I think it is important to dissuade people of a quantifiable and enforceable notion of everything being 50/50 in a marriage There will be times and seasons where it will be 95/5. Illness and tragedy usually don't strike each of two in a pair equally at all times. Deaths of loved ones or their failing marriages and faith will affect each spouse differently. Have close friends. Don't depend on your spouse to fill ever human need for friendship. No one can or should be expected to live up to that.
This is very good advice! Would you say, "it is not good for man to be alone" actually is not just for marriage, but extends beyond marriage - that husband and wife should have other friends?
 
This is very good advice! Would you say, "it is not good for man to be alone" actually is not just for marriage, but extends beyond marriage - that husband and wife should have other friends?
Yes. It falls under teaching about honoring and obeying parents. The commandment is not just about going to bed when mommy and daddy say so. WLC elaborates quite well if friendships are placed in the category of "equals" described in questions 131 and 132. I cant think of a better definition of a friend even though the implications may require at times unpleasant candor from such a friend. In a solid marriage, such friendships should be encouraged and nourished. Some of my wife and I's best experiences have been from brothers and sisters who have came a long side of us or we've had the opportunity to do so to them. Positive experiences can and do happen with unbelievers yet they don't seem to ever be as sweet.

Question 131: What are the duties of equals?
Answer: The duties of equals are, to regard the dignity and worth of each other, in giving honor to go one before another; and to rejoice in each other’s gifts and advancement, as their own.

Question 132: What are the sins of equals?
Answer: The sins of equals are, besides the neglect of the duties required, the undervaluing of the worth, envying the gifts, grieving at the advancement of prosperity one of another; and usurping preeminence one over another.
 
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